Author: f3gusher

QIC:  Gusher

Date: 09/21/2022

PAX: Musket, Gambler, Baloney, Shogun, Mansiere, Zima, Prosciutto, Pediasure, Yellow 5, Squirt, Jorts, Worm Trick

AO: Convoy

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Conditions

Today’s Details of the weather brought to you by the doppler system and confirmed by the existentialist experience of 13 men, none of whom were Recycle or Burrito and because of said absence a little piece of YHC died inside. But honestly, everything else was well nigh perfect. Wind, unlike one’s bowels after General Tsao’s of Shang-Ri-La, calm. Humidity eeking out a solid B- at 81% to remain in the honor’s barometric pressure class for one more week. UV Index at 0, allegedly due to sunrise not taking place until 7:28am. Way to fart sack yet again, sunshine. Often, YHC wanders the streets of Chattanooga and thinks to self, “If only the sun HC’d I could tell if anyone else around here goes to F3; it is just so difficult to recognize people clothed and in the light.” One time a man shouted YHC’s name at The Walker Theater. The M asked, “weird, you know that guy?” “Never seen him in my life!” Name gets repeated again. “Seriously, you know that guy?” Feeling a bit interrogated at the moment, “No, I do not know that man!” And a third time. “Do you know him?” asks the M convinced I am hiding something as there doesn’t seem to be a large swath of citizens of Gig City with either the name Gusher or the ailment of hemorrhaged hemorrhoids that gave birth to such a name (Could be wrong about that but HIPPA and all), YHC yet again now feeling a bit like St. Peter in his lowest moment, “Let’s go, I do not know that man.” Yet all the while, it was M.I.A. All because it was the UV Index was at a reasonable rate in the illumined Soldiers and Sailors foyer. Look, all one is saying is UV Index matters nothing when there is a free workout at 5:30am that is open to all men who want to get better. You don’t need the sun for that, but you do get to see other stars. Which is a nice segue to the visibility, which was anticipated at 1.5 miles. Albeit, not convinced. We got a stellar view of the North Star and the remainder of its Major Ursa at a cool 79.97 Light Years away (80 Light Years for the valley folk where stars take a little longer to see, but whatever). With such perfect conditions it is virtually serendipitous that “pax vobiscum” would be the word of the day. We received nature’s benediction and placed it in our hearts and ran like the gazelles we are into the wind that enveloped us in the coolness of the 67 degree morning. Really, couldn’t have been better.

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COP

Pretty much panicked on the warm-up. Been a good four months since posting so forgot the order of commands, starting position, in cadence, move with your willy mays hays and add a forward fold but not in cadence, and then do some SSH in cadence and then that’s enough. Monday’s FNGs returning for their second workout gave a nice disclaimer for the Q. Some real men leading real men here at the Convoy. Lots of good things happening here.

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Its a Run Day, So Obviously Some Ab Work

Like a good Presbyterian we sprinkled some ab work into the mix. But in a hat tip to the Baptists, all participants were adults of varying degrees of moral discretion. A true ecumenical run was had.
It’s Run Day, Not Sure Why There Is a Subtitle to the Thang Title.
Warm up lap around the learning center up to the Apex and back down again to almost where we started. Broke into two groups. While Group 1A ran up the hill and back, Group 1B held plank. We alternated this for 3 cycles. Speaking of 3Cycles, Recycle was not there because apparently there was a VQ. Whatever. He missed my previous three Qs, but as St. Paul reminds us, Love doesn’t keep score, so YHC won’t either. PAX then mosey up to the track where there was a cone-assembled suicide course. Each cone strategically placed at the goal line, home 25 yrd line, 50 yard line, away 25 yrd line, and opposing goal line. While Group 1A did their run Group 1B did mountain climbers. The same goes for when 1B ran and 1A climbed mountains in a stationary position. Then a suicide run incorporating Bernies. Then two laps around the track with 20 reverse crunches at each end zone. YHC was also sad because no Burrito. So much sadness (Recycle and Burrito) mixed with so much happiness (1A and 1B) that it was like living in the middle of a Hemingway novel.

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Be Rooted to That Which Is Stable and Unmoving

Read the following quotation: “Whoever marries the spirit of this age will find himself a widower in the next” (William R. Inge). This is a wise statement by a dude who didn’t live up to its wisdom but that is not really the point. The point is that if we seek to keep up with the shifting winds of ideologies we will never be able to keep up. And keeping up is not really the goal. We need to be rooted and grounded in something that is timeless, something that is worth and virtuous that transcends time. Let truth take deep root and find stability and teach it to those around us and to our children.
BALL OF MAN: Some prayer requests and prayer and sweat.

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Moleskin

For a variety of reasons YHC has been absent for four months. Nothing could have prepared him for the incredible growth of Convoy Run Day under the Convoy leadership of Jorts and Mansiere, two solid HIM. It was encouraging to see new F3 guys immediately acclimate to these free workouts that bestow un-cultlike monikers and terms. A genuine privilege to meet Musket, Gambler, Baloney, Shogun, and Worm Trick for the first time and a high water day to reunite with Jorts, Zima, Prosciutto, Mansiere, Squirt, Pediasure, and Yellow 5 (The Oxford Comma is alive and doing well, God Save the Queen, Long Live the King, and Long Live the Oxford Comma). Group 1A was super fast and consisted of Mansiere, Zima, Pediasure, Yellow 5, and Squirt – the collective IQ of this group exceeds the GDP of Burundi. Just a marvelous group. I may be missing someone in that group, but again, it was dark. Prosciutto introduced 1B to the heavenly Starlink and (The) Gambler informed us that we could see satellites in the sky with our naked eye that others see on an app that you have to pay for. I don’t understand much, but I believe him. He showed us. What is ironic is that William R. Inge who provided the COT quotation failed to heed his own advice as he advocated for nudism, a popular movement of the opening half of the 20th century that, fortunately, has not taken off (no pun intended). Nonetheless we saw nature with our naked eye and in so doing, we saw more satellites than Dave Matthews knew what to do with, not to mention more stars in the firmament than there were baggy-jeaned high school hormone raged flannel shirt boys with sea shell necklaces of the mid 90’s who learned to play Dave’s Satellite guitar intro to impress that girl during spirit week. Take that run-on sentence and try to diagram it, Mrs. Hubbard from 10th grade English! There is a wedding in Buffalo, NY this weekend or sometime soon. Buffalo is home to a Free Mason who makes the best wings in the world. I am sure there are a number of Free Masons who live in or near Buffalo, but as of now, our only interest is in the one who makes the best wings in the world. But the wedding is not going to be at Niagra Falls because it’s a bit overrated. Rainbow Lake Falls is more impressive and one doesn’t even need to don a poncho for that. And honestly, a poncho is a pretty tacky wedding outfit. An entire run playlist of The National would be surprisingly more motivating than it might immediately seem. But these days, with the casualization of societal dress (but not apparently as casual as the late Dean William R. Inge may have desired), the question is, “what constitutes wedding attire?” Suit and tie? Sport coat with no tie? Tie sans sport coat? This would have been a great time for Burrito to let us know as he has been sporting the tie since his days as a Blue Tornado.

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News

Big Events in England. Otherwise, a relatively quiet day on the news front. There are F3 events on Thursday and Saturday. Q reveal not necessary as event will be taking place regardless of Q-Identity or weather.

October 3 – Mountain AOs organizing the Chubbys Ministry. Contact Jorts for details.

QIC:  Gusher

Date: 12/21/2021

PAX: Burrito, Mansiere, Squirt, Yellow 5, Shank, Mox, Zima, Pound Dog, Pomade

AO: Smackdown

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Conditions

The conditions were stellar for a Christmas week gathering of middle-age men stretching and moving together. The temperature was an honest 37 degrees, and honestly, it felt like it as well. The sky was clear and the visibility reached the stars. Aviation Data Service putting out some good news for pilots and some reassurances for those passengers in economy class popping dramamine with hopes of a safe trip through the skies. Flight METAR text for the morning is KCHA 211153Z 00000KT 10SM FEW045 BKN120 BKN180 05/02 A3007 RMK AO2 SLP185 T00500022 10050 20039 58015. I really have no idea what that means, but the pilots are nodding their heads like “yeah,” co-pilots moving the gears like, “yeah.” Speaking of stars — and you know you were speaking of stars — the aforementioned 37 degree temps had a tropical flair to it. Like the em dash, it was a comfortable 37. But back to the star conversation and maybe its just the season with the Star of Bethlehem firmly implanted on the gray matter — and speaking of Gray with another em dash — YHC is well nigh convinced that gazing on the galactic lesser lights, one star moved across the darkened canvas of the expanse above and settled over a place that was not so much like Bethlehem, but more like Epcot and the heart became strangely warm (nod to our Methodism and our boy JWesley). There, YHC mused quietly, lay Recycle all bundled up and getting some extra shut-eye because no doubt, he has a fast pass. There was virtually no wind this morning, save that which broke through bowels of men, and by men YHC means one man, as they he moved into the crouch position of the block swing. Calm with the occasional gust. #blessed.

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COP

Standard Smackdown Mosey Lap because repetition is where traditions are made; SSH; WMHays, IraqiTT; Folding forward, Arm circles forward, unwind it, ray lewis it, gather at the coupons in a predestined place alongside a track that is sharper than a knife (see ray lewis).

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Farmer Carry Because Signal Mountain is the Mountain of the People

Gotta get those forearms worked in order to write all those Yuletide Thank You notes.
Round 1: 3 cycles: Goal line PAX 20 Merkins/20LBCs on repeat until carrier returns;;;Moving PAX farmer carries to 50yrd line, does 20 curls and farmer carries back

Round 2: 3 cycles: Goal line PAX: 20 PJacks/20BBSU on repeat until carrier returns;;;;;;Moving PAX farmer carries to 50yrd line, does 20 block swings and farmer carries back

Round 3: 3 cycles: Goal line PAX 20 Squats/20Leg-Ups on repeat until carrier returns;;;::::;;;;Moving PAX farmer carries to 50 yrd line, does 20 thrusters and farmer carries back

Round 4: 3 cycles: Goal line: 20 ShoulderTaps/20Flutter on repeat until carrier returns;;;;;”’;;;;; Moving PAX farmer carries to 50yrd line, does 20 block squats and farmer carries back

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COT

Ecclesiastes 3:11

[11] God has made everything beautiful in its time. Also, he has put eternity into man’s heart, yet so that he cannot find out what God has done from the beginning to the end.

All of our times/circumstances are beautifully planned by the Lord, yet are incomprehensible in their scope. And when he says God has set eternity in our hearts he is talking about the whole issue/matter of desire/pursuit and what we think will make us happy or fulfilled. Throughout Ecclesiastes, the writer is on a quest to find the meaning and purpose of life. He seeks it in knowledge, work and the things that successful work brings, and pleasure. But each of these in themselves cannot satisfy or fulfill or provide purpose because they are all finite. But if it’s eternity that has been set in our heart, then nothing finite or temporary will satisfy or fulfill. The only source of satisfaction for the eternity within us is the eternal God. Our chief desire should be the Giver and not the gifts. The answer is not to disdain knowledge, work, or pleasure, but to see them as gifts and means to praise the Giver. May our desires/pursuits reflect that and may we work hard to steward the gift well, while we desire that which is ultimate.

CS Lewis’ much quoted statement. 

“It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”

So, just a reminder for pursuing the proper balance, focus, desire, pursuit. It’s got to be something bigger than anything temporal. I find myself thinking too much on the gifts and not the Giver. Maybe I’m alone in that. Maybe not. There’s something outside of us that we need to find. 

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Moleskin

The mosey lap around the atrophied track was silent. This evoked a sense of panic within the introverted breast of the Q. Silently, questions began to form in the cranium and fears began to swell with the immoveable force of a tsunami. Confusion settled in as there was frustration at the mixed metaphor between reality of life on a ridge and tsunami at the ocean. Obviously YHC began to fear for Recycle’s safety in the case he was planning of deep sea fishing excursion. But all of this inner monologue was brought to a screeching halt as we formed up for some warmup movements in the shape of a rhombohedron. It is always remarkable how the command to circle up can turn into almost anything other than a circle. Mansiere, the man who dispenses more knowledge than a PEZ, can break the silence with a piercing question that may at first blush seem purely hypothetical. Alas, this man trades in reality and brass tacks is his currency. If you had an unlimited amount of money to spend on office supplies, what would you choose? These are the fundamental realities. Plato positing from his cave could never concoct a mind-bending question as this. YHC fears his own first thought betrays his dearth of office understanding. Immediately, the Q lost cadence imagining a lifetime supply of Pilot G-2 0.7 multi-colored pack of pens. Mansiere and Burrito went straight to noice cancelling headphones and standing desks and mats for ergonomic chairs to roll upon with ease. Did YHC’s thoughts fast pass to the CoT with the words of CS Lewis “your office supply desires are too weak?” Yes, but then Mansiere affirmed the 0.7 ball point, which does surpass all others for its writing and underlining capabilities. Jay Bilas gushes at the Pilot G-2 0.7 potential and wingspan. Burrito chimed in with his affinity for 0.5 lead pencil to which he was resoundingly admonished as the discussion did not center on pencil. There are no scantron tests here. Then whilst carrying coupons the way a farmer carries something in each hand, Pomade announces that he is leaving the Port. Completely befuddled, the eaves dropping began. “What is this Trent Pomade is pontificating about?” He’s talking about cruise ships. Negatively at that. Now, Pomade is as cool and laid back as the mountain fog on a Wednesday morning. He settles in and crushes every workout in good weather so one can understand the perplexity here. There is no vacation spot more calm and laid back than the cruise ship. YHC would have guessed Pomade to be the King of the Lido Deck. It is not always wrong to be wrong, but this time, YHC could not be more wrong. Wrongness reached its limits with this one. The 24 hour buffet options are not enough to sway Pomade. The man loves land. And you cannot condemn a person for that. While the visibility upwards seemed limitless, things get murky when looking to the left. But one PAX three over said something about “hangover” and “Sunday night” and “it’s the most wonderful time of the year.” Now, F3 is a true judgment free zone. Planet Fitness may plaster this phrase all over their purple walls, but who wants to pay a monthly fee to have people tell you they won’t judge you when you can come to F3 for free and not be judged? Seriously, this is free of charge and free of judgment;;;;and you can drop your coupon as hard as you want on the ground. Burrito went to law school and two things got him through those years. “Hardwork and dedication?” you ask. “Wrong.” Putin and Creed. YHC cannot remember the precise details. There was a lot of discussion about Creed and something about human clay and a paper route in a suped up Mustang with Bose speakers. Honestly, things began to get a little dicey because YHC never really listened to Creed. I believe in good music that is varied. Then Burrito demanded that YHC has, in fact, listened to Creed. This dogmatism and enforced acceptance of past experiences, one guesses, is where Putin comes into the picture. Apparently Camp Vesper Point, a youth rally in nashville, and Jump Little Children have a lot in common. I do hope it is not the hallucinogens JLC may have been known to digest in the mid ’90s South Carolina music scene. Squirt is a beast and one will be bettered if paired with him for any exercise pairing. There are seven point nine billion people in the world according to the Worldometer. Ten showed up to Smackdown. Some had to miss because of circumstances that demanded absentia. You know who you are and you are not forgotten. The ten, plus the excused absences, make up quite possibly the best of the best of the seven point nine billion. It is a privilege to move about the track with these HIM. Is it the most wonderful time of the year? Yes, Virginia, there is a Santa Claus. And let it be stated again for the record, Zima is the coolest. The Outkast once asked, “now, what cooler than being cool?” “Zima,” was the answer André 3000 was looking for. He never found it and that is why they broke up. Do not forget your history. Coffee is now done.

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News

Playlist from high school (92-95) and there will be no apologies for that.

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Recent Backblasts

QIC:  Gusher

Date: 08/17/2021

PAX: Old School (Respect), Basalt, Burrito, Holy Kiss, Hambone, Warlord, Forrest, Friday, Prosciutto, 8-Mile, Mansiere, The Count (Respect Deuce), Zima, Blow Pop, Manscaper, Yellow 5, Red Raider

AO: Smackdown

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Conditions

Conditions were prime. 65 degrees on the Fahrenheit scale, that being interpreted is 18.3333 Celsius for our Canadian HIM who hail from Weescaaahhhnsin don’t you know. Rain chance undersold itself with a 91% chance of rain prediction. Yet, in reality we had a 100% chance in actuality. One can never discern whether this prediction stems from humility or insecurity. Does the rain know it will fall for sure, but doesn’t want to come across as an arrogant jerk, thus giving off a 91% chance vibe? Or, is it genuine humility? Or is the paralyzing effect of impostor syndrome? Sometimes you just want to hold a dollop of rain in the hand and whisper, “It’s ok, little fella, there is a difference between arrogance and confidence. If you let us know what you know, we would be better prepared for you. Just tell us what you are going to do. We can take it. After all, we only get wet once.” Today’s moon phase is the waxing gibbous with an illumination count at 71%. Now, here is a percentage that precipitation could learn a thing or two. Rain either falls or it does not fall. Rain is either all in, or it is literally sitting this one out. However, illumination does indeed come in degrees and percentages. The very nature of a waning or waxing moon demands an illuminatory percentage. 71% is pompously precise. One gets the sense the moon and its protuberant gibbous is great to have at dinner parties or trivia night, what with always having to be precisely right and all. Rules are rules and the moon knows how to play. We do have Fred to thank for our ideal conditions, although as storms go, Fred appears to be the six as he has been downgraded to a Tropical Depression. Fortunately for F3-Fred, there is a metaphorical convergence with FiA Storms and Grace has gained some steam to Tropical Storm status to pick up Fred. Summary: weather was nice and there was a lot of water.

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COP

Possible confusion pertaining to commands: Notwithstanding said confusion and mixed cadence with eventual ceasing of cadence, PAX did the following: WMH (estimated 15 count), Forward Fold, SSH, 3rd Grade, Mosey Lap

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AMR(ounds)AP: Final (21) Countdown

YHC, conscious of the rising inflation of F3 fees, seeks to maximize time and minimize idleness by passing out instructional cards on a heavy cardstock strong enough to withstand a Tropical Depression for 40 minutes. These HIM are not paying to stand around and listen to YHC bloviate instructions in an obfuscatory manner with unending circumlocutions. Time is money, so move.
Heavy Cardstock Contents: First round begins with 21 reps each of the following: curls, block squats, merkins, Block BBSU, Block Dips, Thrusters which were horrible, Block Leg Lifts, Block Bench Press.

After each round, PAX takes mosey lap around condensed track and finishes with 5 burpees. He decreases number of reps by one each round. As the title suggests, the goal is to perform as many rounds as possible.

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COT

Proverbs 12:25 – Anxiety in a man’s heart weighs him down, but a good word makes him glad.

We ought to strive to cultivate the habit of picking up the six in all areas of our lives. This is a point of emphasis in F3 in always being mindful of the six. There are many that surround us that are weighed down with anxieties and burdens. Let us be mindful and pick them up with a good word. Sometimes we may be the six in life, and there is no shame in that.

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Moleskin

As always, with Smackdown PAX there is always chatter and it is filled with wisdom. Until the moment it is not. There is one particular PAX who has an unrelenting obsession with the Rockie Franchise (6 movies, 3 spinoff movies, 1 musical, 5 novelizations, 9 video games, 3 documentaries, 1 alleged Cold War Victory, and an aggregate score of 57 on Rotten Tomatoes which seems to be very generous). This mysterious love of the moving picture appears to prejudice this PAX against good music leaving him with the conclusion that John Cafferty and his enflamed heart epitomizes the gold standard of solid tunes. This foundational presupposition, faulty though it may be, fuels this PAX to conclude confidently that the early 80s was the height of music. Look, you will get no pushback from the likes of Bananarama, but that should cause one to pause at the epistemological travesty being proffered so early in the morning. It doesn’t matter how much a flock of seagulls drop digestation on the head, nothing is further from the truth than the claim that the early 80s embodies the high point of music. To be sure, there was stellar stuff, but it didn’t arise from the likes of Survivor and their burning heart. Even the creativity is lacking. Survivor has a Burning Heart and Cafferty’s Heart is on Fire. These are literally the same message. All that is changed is the grammatical and syntactical structure. Speaking of Burrito, his SSH form is impeccable. Solid guy. Love him. He is the best. He has more best friends than Survivor has hits and Rockie has movies. The Count graced us with his presence due to the irresistible Slack EHing of Zima. The Count traverses more land in the night than Lewis and Clark surveyed in years. Truly worthy of double respect. Everyone seems to disdain Thrusters. And when YHC writes “seems” he means “this is a true statement and worthy of all acceptation” people hate thrusters. Hambone returned to the gloom and all became right with the world. Well, almost right. His return coincided with Recycle’s absence. And when Recycle sleeps, the angels cry and we are left to swim in their tears. And the angel’s had a 91% cryfest this morning one-hundred percent of the time. Yellow 5 turned 40, yet he is feeling young and spry. Gazelle like, one might say. Mansiere posted, which means 17 other guys got smarter just by osmosis of wisdom. Prosciutto and Zima know music like Mozart knows concertos. There is more to scribe no quill could contain the ink that could adequately convey the brilliance of Smackdown’s HIM. There was a lot more mumble chatter and moleskin-worthy material but YHC just finished his coffee so that brings this banal solipsistic tommyrot exercise to a close. Smackdown PAX are the best.

Playlist: Judah and the Lion, Uncle Mingo, They Might Be Giants, Barenaked Ladies, Counting Crows, Matthew Mayfield, Trent Dabbs, The Killers, Jimmy Eat World, Jump Little Children, Rusted Root, The Black Crowes.

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News

Check Slack for ongoing ways to help out Lorelei. Blood Connection extending donations for the cause through end of August.

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Recent Backblasts

QIC:  Gusher

Date: 05/18/2021

PAX: A-A-Ron, Blowpop, Burrito, Catfish (Respect), Coypu, French Lick, Hambone (Respect), Holy Kiss, Jorts, Mansiere, Pelt, Pomade, Pound Dog, Prosciutto, Recycle, Red Raider, Ricky Bobby, Tonka, Truck Stop, Zima

AO: Smackdown

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Conditions

Just below the stratosphere lies the troposphere, where the atmospheric weather conditions are felt. Oft and in sundry times dating back to the legendary tales of yore, such conditions were summarized with neandertholic grunts of prepubescent cave toddler, “outside warm, inside coldened damp.” “That’s “cold AND damp, not coldened damp,” chimed the Father Neanderthal. Thus the discourse marker conjunction was born and the method of communication changed forever. The weather not only tells one how they will feel, the weather transforms linguistics. And this morning, conditions fell upon the mountain in a pleasing cocktail of air pressure, temperature, and moisture. 60 degrees Fahrenheit (Respect Respect) greeted the PAX upon their approach to the gloom, with 74 percent (Respect Respect Respect) humidity standing a little too close and balmy with a hint of outdoorsy smell akin to a seventh grader to embarrassed to shower after phys. ed (P.E. also for engineers) and not enough AXE body spray to get through homeroom. The weather is finally approaching that warmth where middle age men don their shorts to expose their sun-starved legs;;;those weight-bearing locomotive structures shining like beacons in the night;;;or maybe that was just YHC with strapped on glow sticks to lead the mosey. Only will ever know, and none will never tell. Like airplanes in the night sky, like shooting stars, I could really use a wish right now, wish right now, wish right now-ow-ow. At approximately 5:44 ante meridiem, a few rain drops fell. Apparently that dispenser of liquid droplets from the atmospheric water vapor in the sky expelled its surplus of moisture in complete ignorance that our High Impact Man Pomade stood within our midst. It had to have been ignorance rather than audacious arrogance that would compel a cloud to shower the earth. I think we collectively heard a whisper whilst Pomade planked his mountain climbers in impeccable form, “yeah, not today Satan.” And that was that. After about 19 total rain drops, things cleared up real fast. Don’t mess with Pomade’s aura of guaranteed dryness. The man will not be defeated and we are all the stronger, as well as all the less soaked, because of him. All in all, conditions felt fine. Yes, we see you, 30.24 in of atmospheric pressure. But seeing doesn’t really mean understanding. We are not quite sure what you do and why you feel the need to precisely toss around your bizarrely precise pressure. You really can’t round down to just 30, or make it an even 30 and a quarter? It HAS to be 30.24? UV Index is literally 0 and not even he cares. UV is all like, you know what? Sure, I HC’d but I am not showing up as long as Atmospheric Pressure is doing his .24 stuff. Ok, sorry. Not sure where that came from. Now sentences are ending in prepositions, which is abominabled sadness. “That’s ‘abominable and evokes sadness,” whispered Father Neanderthal in an exasperated tone, thereby developing sentence structure for generations to come.

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COP

SSH (30-ishIC);;;forward fold (OYO); Willy Mayz Hayz (IC); Iraqui Tea Time (IC); Arm Circles forward and then reversed (IC);;;;;;;;SSH (21.24IC)

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A TEN RUNG LADDER

Ladder with 10 rounds. In between each round run across field and back
5 Merkins, 10 Overhead Press, 15 BBSU, 20 Squats, 25 Curls, 30 Mountain Climbers, 35 Monkey actions, 40 SSH, 45 LBCs, 50 Shoulder Taps
Mountain Climbers and Shoulder Taps Hard Count.

If reach the top of the ladder in the time given, climb back down beginning with round 10.

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COT

Leadership through humble service and by learning from those around you:

Proverbs 18:12 

Before destruction a man’s heart is haughty, but humility comes before honor.

Proverbs 11:2 

When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with the humble is wisdom.

The wise and humble leader is “willing to disadvantage himself for the advantage of the group or community he leads; whereas the proud and self-focused man is willing to disadvantage the community for the sake of his own advantage or advancement.” 

In the particular spheres of influence we find ourselves, how we can look to lead today by humble service and self-sacrifice for the good of our family, for our friends, or others and are we willing to lead by humble service. The proud man leads harshly and often in a way only to make himself look great, even at the expense of others. Let us lead humbly by being among the ones we lead, gaining wisdom from others around us. There’s so much to gain from the gifts of others. We can do forward folds on our own, but let’s lead with humble service in cadence with others. How can you sacrifice today and how can you become better by those around you. 

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Moleskin

It was difficult to hear all the mumble chatter this morning as we were lined up 21 men along the sideline. Therefore, most chatter took place among 3 or 4 at a time or none at all. But one can only imagine the discussions that took place. On one end there were the exercise legends of Holy Kiss and Red Raider. I think the main thrust of the discussion was coming to an agreement on Driver Transport Fees to F3 in Uber/Lyft fashion. Obviously, Red Raider, just like is covetous squats, was bargaining for a lower rate. Then there was Ricky Bobby to the immediate left of YHC. This man of European descent crushed the workout with veteran fervor. For certain, like the atmospheric pressure, YHC understood only 30.24% of what he said. However, there was 100% agreement on the playlist. Music brings the world together. It’d be great if someone thought of an idea where people from all over the world got together to record a video singing about We Are the World, or something. F3 bootcamps are where ideas never before conceived are birthed into life. And it is free. F3 is free, not the video. There was other talk about baseball. Zima’s son hit a home-run for the Royals. The long ball lives on in youth baseball. There is a thread increasing in anger on the Neighborhood App by Signal Mountain residents, allegedly of the less run differential teams, that The Cardinals, I believe, are juicing or at the very least corking their aluminum bats. Prosciutto donned his Nolan Ryan inspired Renegade Jersey to basically remind opposing team parents, “don’t rush the mound when I am tossing pitches to my team, It will not end well, just ask Robin Ventura.” Something about looking at the date and/or following the science of the run differential. Things are getting testy. Things then took a turn for the worst when one of the moms in charge of the juice boxes brought Aldi’s brand Belle Vie sparking water and not the mountain-approved La Croix or S. Pellegrino. This, for the time being, seems to be a nice diversion for the Cardinals. YHC does not see this controversy ending anytime soon as no one wants to be accused of shopping at Aldi while residing in a 37377 home. Apparently, the conspiracy theory (or is it a conspiracy) suggests that the Belle Vie was planted surreptitiously by a….wait for it;;;;;;;waaaiiiiittt fooooooor iiiiiiitttt;;;yes, you guessed it, a Cardinals parent in order to create a diversion while loading up their hitters with Muscle Milk Chocolate flavor. You really can’t make this stuff up. The Neighborhood App is legit and if one is not getting their sources from reliable places like social media, then don’t enter the game. F3 U-6 soccer is still dominating and standing like a buttress against accusations of fraud. Coypu has posted about six times in a row and still gets greeted as though he hasn’t been to a workout in months. Given that the UV Index is 0, YHC has no idea whether this is as result of unmitigated friendliness, early onset collective dimentia;;;or, intentional harassment. One can literally see nothing. With one sense down, the others are supposed to be heightened. Yet, it is well-nigh impossible to ascertain the audible intonations and the motivations that undergird such welcoming. CoyPu (Coy Pu) (Coypu) literally rattled off his post days faster than Rain Man counts toothpicks and yet continued to be greeted with heckles as though he had not been seen in 18 fortnights and 13 new moon phases. The demands to be entertained and inspired in the seconds prior to the COT exposes one’s inability to withstand pressure. “Entertain me,” “Inspire me,” “10 to Odds its coming from Proverbs;;;;”…(ill-advised ellipsis use),,;;;all of this is almost too much. This is why some can’t urinate on a plane. The stress is too much. The humidity too high. But at the end of the day, or at the beginning, if one is going to buckle under pressure, there is no better group to do so than the men of F3 Smackdown. The banter is great, the envy of boulder-sized calves understandable;;;the wisdom gained minimal; and joy inexpressible.

It is also good that the Word of the Day is announced after the post: May 18, 2021 in the year of our Lord Dictionary.com word of the Day: Judder: verb (used without object), to vibrate violently. Noun – the state or instance of juddering. Origin: Judder is first recorded in 1926 and refers to the shaking of automobiles (or their parts), probably in reference to FORD Motor Company. Hail GM. Judder has no precise etymology, probably because Atmospheric Air Pressure is narcissistically hoarding precision only for himself; it may be a combination of jolt or jerk and shudder;;;;or it may be a variant pronunciation of shudder. Or it may be a result of attempting to pronounce shudder (a legit word) with a sever speech impediment. F3 and Language is open to all men and all pronunciations. It is not a cult and is free.

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News

Real News Reported Here First: will check Neighborhood App and report back as necessary.

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Recent Backblasts

QIC:  Gusher

Date: 05/05/2021

PAX: Burrito, Hambone (RESPECT), Jenny Craig, Jorts, Mansiere, Prosciutto, Recycle, Zima

AO: Convoy

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Conditions

Not even Ed Sheeran’s sultry British voice could serenade the misty eye of the mountain with better conditions Convoy’s Run Day Maiden Voyage. “Ed (vocative of direct address), Ed, ED, Hey ED! That fire you see inside the mountain is the fire that burns within the beating heart of each HIM before their 40 minutes of run;;;or, that pace that is slightly faster than a walk, less than a sprint, more manly than a prance, let’s call it a mosey. Sing on, ED, sing on.” And the conditions were perfect. 59 degrees on Daniel Gabriel Fahrenheit’s scale. Sure, the world may use Celsius, but we are not the world. Fahrenheit Scales and Cinco De Mayo celebrations are about the most American thing there is. So, let’s raise a glass to freedom, and run. Humidity was as high as the excitement of several PAX. Ask YHC how he knows. “How do you know?” YHC is glad you asked. Well, the humidity was at 96%. That’s a solid and sweaty score. One PAX — a gold-plated-gold kind of PAX — sent this encouraging prayer the night before…”Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep, And if I die before I wake at least I won’t have to run.” That is top shelf excitement. 96% level, just like the humidity. Clear skies, fresh breeze, thick pollen, plush track, and total confusion as to what movements require gloves on a run day. As long as memory remains, this day will not be forgotten. As long as memory remains, the “I hate everything about this” repeated 1, 349 times will never be forgotten. Humidity high, esteem level right at the UV Index, 1. Allergy Forecast High. See your local Chattanooga Allergy Clinic for a better quality of life. These are the conditions. What is written is written.

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COP

Warmup consisted of a few stretches, with Burrito doing one more stretch assistance than the others (He receives the Second Miler Award for Being a Standout Guy Willing to do more than the rest): Willy Mays Hays (IC), Forward Fold (OYO), Warm Up Mosey that transitioned into The Thang with natural and almost imperceptible fluidity.

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The Thang

As Convoy’s First Run Day, The Thang Consisted of Running with a focus on running. 3.81 miles of distance with periodic planks and ab exercises to break things up a bit so as not to overwhelm.

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COT

Encouragement to focus on things that matter and that last. Jesus says lay up treasures in heaven where those treasures will last, not susceptible to decay or dissolution. We ought to focus on things that matter and live our days accordingly. Culture says follow one’s heart. That perspective changes as the wind and generally leads to regrettable actions. Jesus says choose your treasure and your heart follows that. So, focus on things that matter and that last which the Lord has put before us and pursue those with singleminded focus (Matthew 6). Also thanked the PAX for showing up on a run day, which is not really all that thrilling. But running with others is better than either running alone or not running at all.

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Moleskin

At 5:29am a one minute call was announced per Q-Source Policy. However, Burrito, revealing his excitement about running known by both words and actions, requested assistance in the stretching of his inner thigh. Fortunately for seven others, Prosciutto stood nearest. But not fortunately for Prosciutto. As mentioned, he stood nearest. As this pre-warmup warmup unfolded, Burrito alluded to the Ancient Near Eastern (ANE) practice of cupping the thigh when finalizing a treaty, or pact;;;;also referred to in the ANE as a covenant (“berît” if you want to learn Hebrew). Then it dawned upon all (almost) that the F3 Bootcamp Structure dates back to ANE covenantal practices. F3 is basically the most historical act a man can do. It’s not a cult, it’s essential to human flourishing and finds its origins from a time dating back to the third millenium B.C era. Basically, F3 will help a person understand the Old Testament better. As YHC witnessed Burrito’s leg upheld by Prosciutto, it dawned upon the cranial part that we are observice the unfolding of a suzerain treaty. And every element corresponds to every F3 Workout. Here we go…Components of an ANE Treaty: (1) The preamble, or introduction of the speaker – This is the Disclaimer; (2) historical prologue – What F3 Is and Why We are Here; (3) stipulations of the covenant – Following the Q in a regimen of bodily movements; (4) the document with all particularities of the agreement – Q Form and Backblast; (5) the gods as witnesses – COT/Prayer close out (3^rd F); (6) curses and blessings – Mumble Chatter vacillating between mockery and encouragement. And all of this at 5:29am before the workout even officially commenced. The Mumble Chatter definitely leaned more on the “I hate everything about this” side of things which did absolute wonders to the Q’s psyche. This must have been how Ignacio Zaragoza felt as he led his men into battle against the French forces. Let us just hope that the future of Convoy Run Day fares better than the Second Battle of Puebla. Being a lengthy run, the mumble chatter explored a wide swath of topics. After Cinco De Mayo wishes were extended, conversation naturally focused on the glory of the mustache, that ancient practice of upper lip decor. Several PAX noted their fathers went through a mustache faze, which is understandable given that most of us grew up during the 1980s Apex of Mustache culture. Oh to have been a father in the days of Magnum P.I. (greatest ‘stache of all), Mike Schmidt (greatest mustached 3rd baseman of all time), Freddie Mercury (immortalized in The Marys of F3 Nation on the daily), Hulk Hogan, Alex Trebek, and Geraldo Rivera. But one question plagues the PAX. Did Zima’s father truly need to shave his mustache in order to participate in the Church’s Christmas Pageant? Facial hair was commonplace in the region and the time period, so it would have been legitimate to retain. Method acting at its finest, right ho! Facial hair prevalence is beyond archaeological dispute. What compelled him to shave the caterpillar of the lip? What is the minimum requirement in F3 for legitimizing the donning of gloves during a workout? Coupon usage? Planking? What about the merkin, which is just a plank in motion? At each plank, no PAX audibly regretted to run sans glove. However, at the final merkin command a complaint pierced through the dark more swiftly than Meatloaf’s bat out of Sheol (second Hebrew word), “I thought you said we didn’t need gloves!” This shocked the Q to the core with a kind of confusion that will befuddle the thought processes for days to come. Mansiere can run like the wind, smooth and without effort. His cardio prowess is honed in the front lawns of neighbors everywhere playing freeze tag with all the neighborhood children. Burrito’s progeny is very fast according to neighborhood legend. Not surprising given that Burrito wears running shirts with protective chest tape. Morale of the PAX boosted substantially upon learning that they are, collectively, Burrito’s favorites with the exception of seven other people being named as more favorite. Extremely solid PAX with whom to run, with suzerain blessings far outweighing the cursings;;;;;;;;;;; at least until the therapy session bill comes due. Will definitely be wearing gloves for that. If anyone is interested in bettering cardio capacity, contemplating the practical benefits of Algebra after the class is over, discussing the history of world events that are Americanized for commercial gain, or learning new vocabulary words during an Indian Run, then Convoy Run Day is for you. You will always be better for spending time with tier 1 PAX, and F3Chattanooga has tier 1 dudes across all AOs.

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News

Signal Mountain St. Louis Cardinals Baseball Team (consisting of several F3 2.0s) will be playing Thursday at 5:30. They are dominating with such dominance that scouts are already attending and the teams owns a 136 run differential score and an 11-0 record.

Prosciutto on Q at Smackdown 5/6/2021 so be tame with the Coronas tonight.

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Recent Backblasts

QIC:  Gusher

Date: 03/25/2021

PAX: Friar Tuck (Respect), Prosciutto, Shank, Holy Kiss, Red Raider, Laces Out (Respect), Pediasure, Burrito, Mansiere, Snow Patrol, Joanna, Pound Dog, Recycle, Zima

AO: Smackdown

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Conditions

The conditions: Where does one begin in describing the contours of the weather? Things began dry and then quickly turned not dry. At one point it was not raining and then it rained. This seems simple enough. So simple one might even say, “what is there to say other than, ‘it rained?'” Well, for one, this is Smackdown and there is always much more to say. We count our words the way runners count their steps. Today, we averaged 8,232 of each per PAX. And by ‘we’, I mean Burrito had about 72,958 words. We will get to the live doppler data, for posterity’s sake, in a moment. However, these are men of the mountain and the epistemological flare is always on high octane. After comparing data in 100% rain, we wondered what the weather app meant by only 66% chance of rain? Red Raider asked, “In what other career can you maintain a job by being wrong 66% of the time?” Surprisingly, the coach of the Detroit Redwings came to mind. But the real issue is what does a job interview look like for a prospective weather man? Human Resources (HR): “Good morning, welcome to the interview, I’ve looked over your resume. Just a few questions to begin. How would you describe your strengths?” Prospective Weather Person (PWP): “I am very confident in handling percentages.” HR: “Could you give me an example of your data prowess?” PWP: “For sure, and by sure, I mean there is an 83% chance of me answering this question.” HR: “Mmm, I like that. And it turned out to be existentially 100%. Now, what would you describe as your greatest weakness?” PWP: “I care too much and I get absorbed in my work.” HR: “Ah, yes, the humble brag standard answer. That works 42% of the time, most of the time. How about your greatest strengths?” PWP: “I literally care little to nothing about accuracy and the truth. Let me illustrate, you’ve got a proper burpee form, yes? I modify it. It’s still a burpee right? That’s how I handle the weather. And I love that feeling of people checking in with me on the daily and embarking on their day in clothes chosen based on my predictions. I guess you could say my strengths are playing fast and loose with the truth. And by fast and loose, I mean I am not really bothered by misjudging things.” HR: “We really like where this is heading.” PWP: “I would say that I have thought through the predictability element. I have noticed that if the percentages for, let’s say precipitation is given in a very specific number like 18% of 91%, people tend to trust it. I rarely trade in percentages of the round numbers like 50, 80, or 100 percents. I mean, this ain’t common core.” HR: “There is a 47% of you getting this job.” PWP: “Ahh, I see what you did there, well played. I’ll be here tomorrow morning. Thank you. It will be a pleasure working with you.” (Back to regularly scheduled programming).Thankfully, the workout began with no rain. This was good for at least a 27% increase of PAX showing up to the AO. Wind was SE6mph, humidity at 95%, whatever. The Free Weather App announces Allergy Forecast as “Moderately High.” However, when searching to find out the particular pollen allergens, the data suggested low. Tree Pollen: Low. Grass Pollen: None. Ragweed Pollen: None. But you know what you else you find? The 15 Day Allergy Forecast brought to you by Claritin! Well, well, well. Actual pollen…low. 15 Day Allergy Forecast sponsored by Claritin with their Cool Mint Chewables 24-Hour Allergy Relief Immediate Cooling Sensation. First, and YHC says this from experience, never once in an anaphylactic inability to breathe because of severe allergies has the thought, “You know, I’d really love to feel more of a cooling sensation right now” ever crossed the frontal lobe. Nay! But this has in a deep wheeze, “I really wish I could breathe right now.” The Weather App is like Stockholm Syndrome. You know who you can trust? Pomade! That man is a living Live Super Doppler and has never posted in the rain, save for his second workout ever when he showed up in a poncho. After that, never. Pomade is legit. Temperature was perfect and there were a lot of puddles on the ground. Rain started to fall slowly making the Presbyterians happy, which admittedly is rare. Then the deluge came to the satisfaction of the Baptists providing them, once again, with the last word. In the end, the conditions were well nigh perfect for 37% of the time and manageable the other 80%.

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COP

Disclaimer: Hi, welcome, Gusher here. Don’t get hurt.

SSH (IC); Silent Forward Fold (Almost) OYO; Willie Mays Hays (IC), 3rd Grade Exercise (IC);;;;Arm Circles in a forward motion and then a not forward motion (IC)

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5 Rounds of AMRAP in Pairs of Three

Formed five groups of three and remained in socially distanced proximity for safety, but close enough for banter. PAX alternate exercises until each member completes and then moves on to the next round. After round 5 repeat. There is to be constant movement and striving to complete as many reps as possible (hence the moniker AMRAP) while partner is running lap. We state the obvious here. And the not so obvious as mountain citizens are keen and perceptive.

Round 1: run lap: curls: squats 

Round 2: run lap: block bench press: SSH 

Round 3: run lap: bent row: lunges 

Round 4: run lap: block dips: squat jumps 

Round 5: run lap: shoulder taps: monkey humpers

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COT

Proverbs 15:1-2 A soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. The tongue of the wise commends knowledge, but the mouths of fools pour out folly. Our communication can honor or harm others. Words communicated in private can have greater power than those made in public. Controlling and guarding the tongue and using it well are no small matters in the cultivation of wisdom. How can we as leaders cultivate a habit of wise, self-controlled speech to build up and not tear down; to deescalate a situation, rather than spew out more verbal diarrhea making matters worse. We can tend to guard our words more when we are in our places of business or church, but let down our guard when home around those we love the most. Let us seek to use words well and discerningly. Sometimes the wise action is remaining silent. Sometimes it is to speak. All the time words are to used well. *This was abbreviated some due to precipitation. 

       

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Moleskin

It is truly remarkable to see the consistent quality of HIM. The impact of these men is high. So much so that someone should abbreviate this quality and subsequently standardize it for a free workout program that exists to encourage male leadership or something. Maybe even provide a source book wherein one might learn in an environment where they are free to lead. Anyway, Smackdown has these dudes in abundance. I am not sure what was falling with greater rapidity, the rain or the wisdom. YHC would even deign to say, “wisdom fell like rain.” And we all got soaked. There is a U6 Soccer Scandal brewing on the mountain. Strategies that, allegedly, were acceptably implemented in the past are now spurring discord. Emails with mysterious and conspicuous recipient omissions are being leaked. At what point in futball is a goalie necessary? What if I told you that on a beautiful mountain ridge, the beautiful game was being sullied, ESPN 30 for 30 presents, “Scandal on the Mountain.” This is something to watch as the season progresses. It was assumed that few places took youth sports as seriously as Russia, but that assumption is false. Rocky IV didn’t solve every problem between the nations. Which is its own mystery given there was only two. Is the Cold War over or is it just really cold rain? Zima is a beast. He performs every exercise with solid form at the same methodical cadence and smiles all the time. And posts basically everyday. This is not a cult, guys. Mansiere is primed to replace The Hanging Gardens of Babylon as a Legit Wonder of the World. YHC and Burrito were huffing and puffing like asthmatic wolves before the houses of pigs, while Mansiere gaped past us saying something about an injured hamstring pulled a fortnight prior. The man galloped past effortlessly. Do you ever wonder what it would have been like to have been a teammate and watch Michael Jordan play daily? Well, come to Smackdown and witness Red Raider’s squats and you will know you are in the presence of greatness. Prosciutto created an entire bench press system with concluding gym rat pectoral pounds at the end of the reps. Crafty. BoFlex Machine just got served and is on notice. Pro also fields three conference calls at a time during the workday. Proficiency. YHC dream came true at the Convergence Wednesday and finally got to meet Burrito. A day later and YHC still can’t believe his fortune. Seriously, true story. 16 months of working out at the same AO the introduction finally took place. A true legend. Holy Kiss and Pound Dog sweat from the shoulders down. Because that is what hydrated men do. Recycle apparently has roots on Signal Mountain deeper than anyone else ever in the history of Signal Mountain. There is a war, purportedly, between Thrasher and Nolan. The fronters (renters?) and the established. The lines have been drawn. Probably by Walden Town Hall. YHC learned this for the first time. Completely oblivious as his children are making wax candles and churning butter for their home education. The fields are not going to plow and harvest themselves, good folks. There is solidarity, however, in that Signalers do not pay for weather apps. We want all the luxury and accoutrements of mountain life without the cost. Stewardship matters. Lookout Mt pays for their apps with a 22% greater accuracy. Joanna continues to make gains. Not just today. But everyday. Something can be said of the greatness of each PAX today, but YHC was being pelted with rain and could neither see nor hear everything that took place. If one needs to know the blessings and benefits and the ranking system of Reese’s Peanut Butter options, Snow Patrol is your man. We await his official review of the Reese’s Peanut Butter Chocolate-Free Cup. But by all early indications, it is not looking good for Reese’s. It is being hailed as the Ultimate Peanut Butter Lovers Cups. But what if what makes a Reese’s Peanut Butter Lover love the Reese’s PB Cup is the holy union between chocolate and peanut butter? These are the questions that need to be answered. Snow Patrol, unleash your wisdom as the heavens unleashed its rain. The world needs to know. Yes, the world needs to know.

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News

Convoy Saturday and Monday;;;;Smackdown Tuesday and Thursday. This is a reliable pattern.

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Recent Backblasts

QIC:  Gusher

Date: 02/09/2021

PAX: A-A-Ron, Booger, Burrito, Coney, Friday, Holy Kiss, Jenny Craig, Joanna, Laces Out (Respect), Mansiere, Pomade, Pound Dog, Prosciutto,  Recycle, Red Raider,  Shank, Snow Patrol, Truck Stop

AO: Smackdown

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Conditions

The gloom welcomed 19 PAX with what some would describe as, “ideal conditions.” Smackdown men are notorious for many things, one of which is the readiness with which they describe atmospheric conditions in broad categories ranging from ‘less than ideal,’ ‘ideal,’ and the almost hallowed sacrosanct rare ‘more than ideal.’ ‘More than ideal’ is a distant cousin of ‘infamous.’ Something that, according to the OG Tres Amigo Ned Niederlander, is so famous that it is in famous. More than ideal conditions is a condition, which is so ideal, a HIM is utterly confounded in the presence of such ideality. A weather so perfect there is not a greater or more perfect weather that could be imagined. We can thank the medieval meteorologist, Anselm, for this ontological proof of supreme weather. However, today was not that day. Conditions were just ideal. Mediocre one might say. And mediocrity is the unsung hero of humanity. “What does ideal weather look like?” you ask. “Well, I don’t really know, as one cannot look upon weather and see its substance.” “Ah, yes, for shame for shame, what I meant was, what does ideal weather feel like?” you correct yourself freshly grasping the importance of verb precision. “Now, you are on to something. Weather we may not see, but it is that which we feel. And if Smackdown is notorious for describing weather in broad categories, it is more notorious for describing and sharing its feelings with remarkable male precision.” The weather both registered and felt like 45 degrees. Forty-five, that mid-range number divisible by three whereby a man can wear tight pants and move comfortably around the gloom, while another man (and by another man we mean Recycle) can wear shorts and cowboy boots and retain stud status in untroubled delight. The wind whispered and the willows wept; the birds sang the blessed song of the semicolon. All was ideal in the world where these men were 1,703 ft closer to the stars in the sky. Ideal indeed.

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COP

A Short Lap around a Short Track, SSH (IC), Forward Fold on Burrito’s Moanful Count, Willy Mays Hays (IC), SSH (IC)

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Farmer Carries and a Hi-Ho, the Derry-O

Everyone grabs a block and chooses a partner, which is much less awkward than grabbing a partner and choosing a block. Ask YHC’s partner how he knows. Verb precision is the lesson of the day.
Partner Farmer Carries
Begin at Goal Line where one PAX performs two exercises in a repeated fashion. This is similar to someone’s two song playlist on shuffle and repeat. Partner farmer carries two blocks to the 50 yard line where an exercise is performed with one block and farmer carries back to goal line and switches. Total of 3 Rounds, three sets each.

Round 1: Goal Line Exercises – 20 Merkins/20 LBCs while partner farmer carries to 50yrd line and performs 25 curls and returns. Three trips each.

Round 2: Goal Line Exercises – 25 Plank Jacks with Posterior Down/25BBSUs while partner farmer carries to 50yrd line and performs 20 Block Swings and returns. Three trips each.

Round 3: Goal Line Exercises – 20 Squats/20 Leg-Ups while partner farmer carries to 50yrd line and performs 20 bent over rows and returns. Three Trips each.

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COT

Just a little thought from Proverbs. Proverbs provides us a manual for wisdom, which is the skill or ability to live in God’s world according to God’s way. The book spends a significant amount of time on the use of words and the power of the tongue. Words can harm, divide, they have the power of life and death, they can build up, they can tear down, they can fill a person up or expose a person to be what they truly are;;;; words can spread like wild fire, they can communicate truth, or words can deceive;;;;;;; they can be gentle or harsh, rashly spoken, or timely and aptly given. According to one study the average amount of words is around 15 to 16,000 per day. I’m not sure about that. But statistics are neat. Proverbs 17:27 says, The one who has knowledge uses words with restraint, and whoever has understanding is even-tempered.  Just a reminder that one aspect of wisdom and being leaders in the spheres we are placed is to be even-tempered, not rash or hot spirited, and this will be reflected in our use of words. A calm word can deescalate a situation, and an even tempered spirit and restrained words can be powerful. So I just want to encourage us all to use our words well, and seek to respond to distressing and frustrating circumstances with restraint. It is easy to be harshest with those we love the most. May our words be used for good.

Moleskin

There is something magical about the mystique of the 1980s power ballad. A ditty as it were, with both power and sentimental melodic charm. Few capture the complex charisma and glamour;;;;;;nay, I dare say, the sine qua non, of the power ballad, more than our very own Burrito. Sure, he may have 734 backblasts in the queue from the last six months, but that is easily and happily overlooked when he belts out ‘Everything I do, I do it for you’ while staring more deeply than a properly formed sumo squat into another PAX’s eyes. What compels a man (and by man, I mean lead singer of 80s hair band) in tiger print spandex to sing ‘#1 Bad Boy’ in one breath and then serenade a decade of roller skaters with cropped mid-riff exposing t-shirts in the next with the botanical reminder that “Every Rose Has Its Thorn?” We get it, roses have thorns, dusks have dawns, and cowboys have their sad, sad songs. These are the mysteries of life that one just has to sigh and let go. A man will drive himself mad. And if you are feeling on the verge of madness, then F3 is for you. If you wear cut off jeans and cropped t-shirts, then FIA may be for you. We don’t judge. There is a risk, however, to surrounding oneself with others with a Power Ballad and an 80/90s Soundtrack playlist at 5:30 in the morning. Sure, Rocky IV inspires, but how will John Parr, that man in motion with a pair of wheels, come across when he tells you about where your future is lyin’? What if there really is a fire in St. Elmo? This has a bit of a trigger for folks who may have family and friends living in St. Elmo. That is a lot of pressure to be put into when you are responsible for carrying blocks a total of 100 yards. You have a partner repeatedly performing impeccable formed motions on any given exercise with specific instructions to continue doing those aforementioned exercises until you return with two coupons. F3 exists to release the pressures of life with male fellowship. Maybe Soundgarden is better for this time of day? This must be left to you. YHC is just asking the questions. Smackdown/Convoy PAX loves their sportsball movies and sportsing. General consensus from a few months ago, if YHC recalls accurately suggests that Air Bud might be the best cinematic representation of sports, of the canine variety;;;;more than something like, say, Hoosiers, which is remarkably predictable. When there are four different camera angles of one jump shot there is a 96% Pfizer/Moderna level chance of that shot going in the orange cylinder. Interestingly and refreshingly, no one really has strong opinions. If you like discussions to be intellectually stimulating and not emotionally disruptive, then F3 is for you. 38% of Rocky IV is a montage. Rocky IV soundtrack pilfered its own Rocky II soundtrack for songs. 38% montage, 2% creativity. Like skim milk. Does anyone really go to the store thinking, “I’d love some milk, but water it down to say, hmmm, to a 98% reduction and maybe just 2% milk retention?” Again, just asking the questions. However, Rocky IV did end the Cold War, so we accept it and Smackdown honors it weekly. Speaking of weekly, it is valentine’s week so the expressions of love were endless. And by endless, YHC means 6:15am when official activities are over for the day. If you want the most difficult part of your day over by 6:15am, then F3 is for you. This is not a cult, but the need to join for the sake of your own well-being is off the charts. That means that if one were to make a chart with ‘poor well-being’ represented in the lower left corner of the chart paper and ‘more than ideal well-being’ represented by the upper right corner of the chart paper, F3 would be above that, literally off the chart paper. F3 is unquantifiable. F3 has all the intangibles. It has 3 F’s and intangibles. YHC would like to publicly thank Burrito for the inspiration for today’s playlist. I can’t speak for other HIM of Smackdown, but without you we would have been smelling like teen spirit and raging like rats in a cage. Because of you, we were able to farmer carry coupons a total of 900 yards like men in shining armor from along time ago, all and only for the glory of love. We thank you.

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News

Forearms were burning so no one remembers if there was any news.

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Recent Backblasts

QIC:  Gusher

Date: 02/06/2021

PAX: A-A-Ron, Blue, Hambone (Respect), Pound Dog, Prosciutto, Snow Patrol

AO: Convoy

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Conditions

As the moon wanes into its introverted crescent form, it does so with the insecure embarrassment of being in its gibbous stage until the next new moon, FebRuary 11. Yet under the dissipating visibility of our melancholic lunar circulator, seven men descended upon Convoy with the confidence of a 16 yr old seventh grader with a moped. The temperature was an honest 28 degrees with none of his usual, ‘hey, I’m 28 but I feel like 19.’ Who needs that dishonestly in their life. And let’s be honest, when one is 28 and wants to appear 19, there is some deep seated issues at play. But not today. What you see is what you feel, and we felt all 28 of those degrees. And it felt nice. Wind was calm like that third student partner in 9th grade biology lab who neither participates nor complains, but is just there. The stars shown brightly illuminating the sky, much to the chagrin of the aforementioned brooding waning moon. “Hey, moon, be not downcast; (semicolon) we will pick up the six. It’s what we do, leave no heavenly body behind, and leave no heavenly body where you find it,” reassured the stars. The resident astrologer (who also happens to be the resident expert on all things gold chains, cannoli, etc…and we are all the better for this HIM) suggested that we multitask during Leg Ups by focusing on the large incandescent bodies above. Often times one will see a shooting star. YHC, however, couldn’t tell if the flash above was a shooting star or early onset glaucoma and/or astigmatism. All agreed the stars were pleasant. As they remain fixed above, there yet remaineth hope that one will be seen another day. And where hope runneth free, thine own heart rushes with exceedingly great joy. As Edmund Dantes poignantly stated, “til the day when God will deign to reveal the future to man, all human wisdom is contained in these two words,—’Wait and hope.’ Hedge Expert Linguists’ confidence is utterly shot as they wonder whether the ‘g’ in poignant is silent or not. They decide it is. Another win for phonics. Humidity was 72%, C-. Could do better if applied itself more.

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COP

SSH (IC), Forward Fold in Honor of AOQ, Willy Mays Hays, IW (IC), Lap around parking lot with random merkins to allow time to fix equipment.

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8 Station Mile

As the title suggests, there are 8 stations around the track and the PAX will complete this 4 times for a total of one mile. The goal here is to be clear, not cute.
Cone 1: 15 Merkins and bear crawl to next cone; Cone 2: 20 BBSU and lunge to next cone; Cone 3: 30 Squats Bernie to next cone; Cone 4: 25 Dips mosey to cone; Cone 5: 30 Monkey Humpers Jail Break to cone; Cone6: 25 Leg Ups mosey to cone; Cone 7: Wide Merkins mosey to cone; Cone 8: 25 LBCs.

After Round 1, Rounds 2 and 3 increase the rep count; Round 4 same reps as at the start. In between Rounds 2 and 3 a cool down Indian Run to honor the next Full Moon known as the Snow Moon, FebRuary 27, 3:17am

MARY: Circle of monkey humpers, Freddie Mercuries, and BBSU

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COT

“Whoever corrects a mocker invites insults; whoever rebukes the wicked incurs abuse. Do not rebuke mockers or they will hate you; rebuke the wise and they will love you. Instruct the wise and they will be wiser still; teach the righteous and they will add to learning.” Proverbs 9:7-9.

Wisdom is the skill or ability to take the knowledge you have and apply it in the best way as you navigate this life with all its complexities, relationships, and spheres. We do not attain wisdom without pursuing it. As leaders, we are to be conscientiously pursuing wisdom that we may best serve those with whom we love and with whom we work. One facet of this pursuit is to always be teachable. It is never fun or enjoyable to receive correction, and all too easy to react defensively. Yet, properly receiving correction makes us more wise. Even a rebuke is something to be embraced because through that rebuke/correction we can learn lessons for later. Through our mistakes we can learn greater wisdom if we embrace it. Are we willing to listen, are we willing to learn, are we willing to receive rebuke and confrontion, are we willing to grow as men and as leaders in the context and spheres that we find ourselves in each day? Receiving correction wisely and being teachable will also help us when we are called upon to give correction and teaching. We do so humbly and not with a heavy hand. Let me encourage you all to pursue wisdom and the humility needed to change and to attain it.

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Moleskin

The men of the mountain (ridge?) are truly among the greatest. The insight of each is astounding, willing to listen, to critique, to courageously address issues that may evoke fear in lesser men. How much does one actually need to know in order to invest in the market? These men will tell you. And they will do so while squatting. Do you ever want to know an official Italian review of a cannoli? Well, at Convoy you can get that while lying on your back and sitting up in a repeated fashion. It is amazing this is free. Sure, it comes with a disclaimer suggesting that despite all appearances, not a single man here is a professional. You are not going to find that transparency in any cult. Let’s say you need to conclusively determine the top three songs played while getting your teeth cleaned at the Dentist. If this is you, F3 exists for you. 1. Wilson Phillips, ‘Hold On for One More Day.’ Look, we all know there’s pain (this is a free workout for crying out loud), so why do you lock yourself up in these chains (because gold chains communicate things), someday somebody’s going to EH you and make you want to turn your life around. Don’t say goodbye, until then are you going to let ’em hold you down and make you cry? Don’t you know things will change, things will go your way (when you post), If you hold on for one more day (echo whisper, “woah, things will go your way if you hold on). 2. Modern English, ‘Melt with You.’ Because we all know that when your teeth are getting clean and you are searching for a dignified and manly way to suck on the vacuum tube so another person can remove your drool, you want to be thinking about an atomic bomb dropping on two lovebirds. There exists another story here about a hygienist with a prosthetic hook, but that is for another day. Truly the best hygienist around. YHC digresses. The Cold War was real folks. And Modern English understood what was stake. It’s the perfect dental song. #3: Any Phil Collins post-Genesis ballad. Yes, we can all feel it coming in the air tonight. Where does the Phil Collins ballad belong on the pantheon of F3 Playlists? Is dental office genre music an acceptable inclusion on F3 Playlists? And seriously, don’t forget to floss. It takes more than one Indian Run lap to figure out where peanut butter and chocolate land on the food pyramid. How does one interpret the levels of a pyramid (not asking for any Essential Oils here, although there is nothing wrong with that). Does Peanut Butter belong on the lowest but foundational level? Without peanut butter we are all building on sinking sand. Chocolate on the top as the pinnacle of all things dairy? If these questions increase your curiosity, Convoy might be for you. If you have any questions, you can contact Convoy’s AOQ (Burrito) Monday through Friday for a reasonable fee while also protecting shareholder value;;;;;;;; (illegitimate semicolon use) or contact Convoy’s Other AOQ at any time for free. Both men are solid and this is indisputable and worthy of affirming reception. If you have made it this far, then YHC would like to take this time to point you in the direction of 9Volt’s Groundhog Day Letter to F3 Chattanooga. Once upon a time, Edgar Allen Poe and Ernest Hemingway were considered two of the greatest American Short Story Writers. This is no longer that time. Not anymore, nay, not anymore. Poe’s macabre appears amateur and childish and Hemingway’s dialogue simplistic and solipsistic when all compared to the literary genius who works out among F3 men and will forever live in F3 lore, 9Volt. Dickens’ A Christmas Story will now fuel the fire with its pages on Christmas Eve as there is new story to instill wonder and merriment for children from henceforth and forevermore. We all echo the words of that 4th/5th century genius Augustine, with the same fervency and urgency, “Take up and read, Take up and read.” Just like those who fought in the battle on St. Crispin’s Day, our children and grandchildren will with eyes of unfeigned wonder ask us, “where were you when you first read the Groundhog Letter to Men of F3?” And we will say, “By jove, my dear son, my fair granddaughter, the man that standeth with gray hair and old agedness before thee was not covetous for gold nor does it concern what doth garments now worn or hath been worn in the days of vibrant youth, for today is Ground Hog’s Day, and the one who outliveth that day and hath read that Letter upon the day of its publishing will stand a tip-toe when this day is nam’d, for on this day as on that first day thine old man lieth upon the COT of slumber without slumbering and read the letter of which words have ne’er been such constructed, tears floweth down the lines upon the face for the shout of all men that day rang forth in such amazement, for 9Volt penned the letter of letters and from that day to the ending of the world Groundhog Day hath been known as St. 9Volt’s Day. We few, we happy few, we band of F3 HIM of F3 Chattanooga will forever be bound not by blood, nor by cheap manhood, but by the literary bond of Tuesday, FebRuary 2, in the Two thousandth and Twenty-first year of our Lord. From thence doth lie the reason why many of your classmates own the monicker, 9Volt, for their parents nameth them with the hope that one ounce of greatness may pass upon them as such as represented in such a name.”

FebRuary 6 Word of the Day: Limerence: “the state of being infatuated with someone, usually accompanied by delusions of or a desire for relationship with someone.” This is a made up word from 1977 by American Psychologist Dorothy Tennov. Further details of definition suggest that one ought to toss this word around with utmost care.

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News

No news is good news.

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Recent Backblasts

QIC:  Gusher

Date: 11/23/2020

PAX: Hambone (Respect), Joanna, Jenny Craig, Prosciutto, Burrito, Recycle

AO: Convoy

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Conditions

Seven high impact men embarked promptly in the morn on the mount on Monday to commence an employment of motions to improve within a milieu of manageable and mild mix of wind and amusement. On this one hundred and fifty-seven anniversary of the beginning of The Battle of Chattanooga (a decisive battle of the American Civil Way [or war of northern aggression or war of southern rebellion — depending on which vantage point one enjoys), no mention was made of this battle, save this space here. But discussion did ensue over the nature of the weather and the accuracy of the app that describes the same. One man who evokes the respect of all, earned a double respect by six. For the revered Hambone himself exited the vehicle in which he was chauffeured donning shorts. Not even Ernest Shackleton would venture out in such blistering wind conditions. Speaking of conditions, let us proceed. The temp was 38 degrees, but we’re only interested in the existential number, which had to be something akin to 27.6593 degrees. Wind sauntered in at a fast pace mosey from the north at 10mph. If seven pax are running south at 7.65mph in a 10mph headwind, the gusts take Lee Harvey Oswald type aim directly into the lungs for the nice aerobic burn. Seriously, Hambone (Respect) with his legs exposed faced that wind like a man, and YHC could have sworn he grabbed the wind by its proverbial horn and picked up his pace. He was not to be denied. Legend. In a hundred years it will be said, on November 23, 2020 Hambone braved the flurry and the flurry buckled. It will be more momentous than St. Crispin’s day, and we will tell our grandchildren and they will tell theirs of the legend of the marvel of Convoy. Humidity was 79%, a solid C+, room for improvement, needs to focus and not settle for mediocrity. The Dew Point was 32 degrees, always trying to follow in the shadow of the freeze zone, and lacking the confidence of knowing what its real purpose is in life. UV Index at 0. The UV Index adds no value to the morning, but in many ways, must be commended for its consistency. If one is literally not going to show up, it is better not to show up ever. Fortunately, six of the seven men wore very tight material to prevent freezing and exposure on their legs, save the aforementioned Hambone. But man, the wind. Pro tip for chilblain prevention: Wrap the front portion (toe side) of the feet with plastic wrap prior to placing foot into shoe. This will keep the toes warm while yet providing an environment for breathability. The stars were bright. Orion’s belt illuminated with extra flair. The dude is a cosmic prima donna. It was a good morning.

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COP

YHC needs to review the Q101 resource. Quarantine had a devastating affect on the memory. The Q could not for the life of him remember the right order of warm up commands. In an attempt to warm up, the PAX engaged in some form of Willy Mays Hays, Forward Fold, Some tea time exercise but without the tea, arm circles in the forward direction for an extended period of time, and some SSHs. Warm up was abandoned quickly as there was no count.

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Mid-SizeIHill and a Predictable Tilt-a-Whirl

There is a big hill behind the school. Sometimes a man needs a hill, but not a big hill. But not a tiny hill. How about a mid-size hill to perform 7s of merkins and squats. A hill that, like a warm bowl of porridge, is just right. Like Lewis and Clark, we found that hill. And unlike Lewis and Clark, we did not need a canoe. Does exploration really need to be that hard? Not rhetorical, answer honestly.
The Circular Exercise of Four Stations in Four Rounds
Station 1: Merkins, Squats, SSH; Station 2: Plank Jack, Smurf Jack, LBS; Station 3: Mountain Climbers, Squat Jumps, Flutter Kicks; Station 4: Carolina Dry Dock, Bonnie Blair, BBSU.

Stations positioned around the track. Round 1: 25 reps; Round 2: 20 reps; Round 3: 15 reps; Round 4: 10 reps. Exercises done in group, mosey to next cone and hold Al Gore or Plank for the six. Proceed.

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COT

This is the beginning of the Thanksgiving Week. The verb and noun form of Thanksgiving occurs 62 times in the New Testament and covers a wide variety of things for which one is to be thankful for. A heart of thanksgiving needs to be cultivated as it is easier to complain or to take things for granted and assume all good things are deserved and all difficult things are unfair. However, we are encouraged to go through life and think through the ways and reasons for which we are thankful. This is one way in which we can cultivate an attitude of gratitude. And let us be thankful throughout the whole year, not just one week when a lot of tryptophan is consumed. After the last five weeks of Covid and quarantine, YHC was extremely thankful for the brothers of F3. It’s about more than exercise. The reality is greater than the thoughts, the thoughts are greater than words, but words are all we have to convey. So thank you, F3.

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Moleskin

Joanna and Jenny Craig are machines in a workout like this. Methodical. And if there is anyone who wants to see perfect form on Al Gore, look no further than Joanna. He holds it with statue like perfection. Michelangelo could not carve a statue of this magnitude. And the added bonus, unlike Michelangelo, all PAX remained fully clothed. Burrito has a need for inner leg massaging. There was discussion as to the credentials of the one to apply said massage. Does it need to be a physician? Is there a number of band members (of the rock genre) where it is just too many? “Hey mom, did you hear my solo?” If not all members of the band can fit on the stage is it too many? Canada has produced some fine singers, Nickelback was not mentioned in the discussion. Crash Test Dummies include poets such as T. S. Eliot in the songs, which raises the issue of the ironic use of “Dummies.” And speaking of ironic, Alanis Morrisette made the list, which is ironic don’t you think? And what is really ironic is the use of ironic, not the actual lyrics of the song. The lyrics tell a story of unfortunate circumstances, not irony. So, to ask, “isn’t it ironic?” to unfortunate circumstances is incorrect, unless one wants to slip some irony past the listeners. Canadians are fantastic northerly neighbors and very sly. The Convoy track is so soft.

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News

Prayers offered for several family members in need of intercession.

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Recent Backblasts

QIC:  Gusher

Date: 10/15/2020

PAX: Prosciutto, Old School (Respect), Red Raider, Holy Kiss, Ashly Madison, Jorts, Shank

AO: Smackdown

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Conditions

A beautiful morn dimly lit with a 3% waning crescent hint of illumination. Temperature held its consistency at 59 degrees on the Fahrenheit scale for the duration of the hour (that is a solid 15 Celsius for those who like to keep tabs on the centigrade scale…it remains 15 Celsius even for those who do not keep tabs. That is the nature of temperature; it is verifiable whether one is interested or not). Wind listed upon our faces from the SW at 3mph. Wind, however, is less exact of a science than thermometry, what with the existence of gusts and such. Old School (Respect) suggested the wind was coming in through the gloom at 5mph, possibly 4.5. Humidity was 80%, solid B-, but it’s not about the grade. It’s really whether or not the humidity did its best. Dew Point at 53 degrees, which must explain the mild moisture on the six during LBCs. Not too wet, not too dry; like a good bowl of porridge, just right. Barometric pressure came in at 29.95 in, which made a 35lb block feel like 35.8574lbs. UV Index at 0. One truly has to hand it to the UV Index showing up and literally not providing a single ounce of ultraviolet radiation. If there is a Sad Clown out there, who in the deepest recesses of their heart wants to get better yet the fear of sunburn is holding them back, then F3 is for them. It remains an integral part of the F3 evangelistic mission to encourage others to get better and what better way to make that happen than look awkwardly into another man’s eye and say, “If you come out to the gloom, I promise you, it is impossible to get a sunburn.” If we cannot stay safe from the sun, then what do we have? Men, what do we have? (whisper). But really, it’s not a cult. Visibility for Hamilton County was at a solid 10 miles. This was surprising as we could see Polaris, which is a good 433 lightyears away (one lightyear=5.88 trillion miles). So, YHC is no optometrist, but possibly the one in charge of recording Hamilton county visibility data needs contacts. But, we are on the mountain (ridge), after all. In sum, it felt great this morning.

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COP

SSH (IC), Willy Mays Hays (IC), Silent Forward Fold (IC), 348 meter mosey lap around the track

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The Thang

The Ladder: Ten Rounds to Climb Up, One Round to Get Down; It truly is faster to count down.

Ladder Rungs 5 Merkins, 10 Overhead Press, 15 BBSUs, 20 Shoulder Taps, 25 Curls, 30 Mountain Climbers, 35 Monkey Humpers, 40 SSH, 45 LBCs, 50 Squats

Climb a rung and then run across field and back to start back up the ladder adding an exercise each round. After Round 5 head to bleachers for Dips (15 IC) and resume ladder. After Round 10 upon completion of ladder head to bleachers for more Dips (15IC). Final Round is going down the Ladder beginning with 50 Squats down to 5 Merkins

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COT

Psalm 90:12 – Teach us to number our days that we may get a heart of wisdom. The span of our life is set, although we do not know what that set time may be. Therefore, let us live each present day in light of that day and seek to gain wisdom from above. Wisdom (from a Bible perspective) is the skill or ability to live in God’s world according to God’s way. He promises to grant it to those who ask. And recognizing the fleeting nature of time, it serves us well to gain a heart of wisdom each day.

Moleskin

The Gloom is a place where one can go to enjoy the existential betterment of body and mind. Like life’s circumstances, not everything learned among men early in the morning is easy to receive. The gloom is no place for the solipsistic; there is a world beyond the self, and it is not always pretty. Ample time was directed to the harsh realities around us as seasons come and seasons go. And how the changing seasons affect the Snowman. Guys, summers are not good toward the formations of the wintry mix. The next time you step in a puddle, the next time you see a lone carrot glistening in the grass, the next time you see a random button nose, ask yourself, “where have the child’s dreams gone? what has become of what once stood honorably in this place?” Does not the demise of the snowman at the season’s shift call forth the words of Ozymandias for all to hear? Also, a rubric, that established mode of conduct or procedure, yea, one might even dare to say protocol, helps to guide the PAX. Any workout directed by rubric and abacus when the sun dial strikes 5:15am is sure to instill courage and chivalry among those that arose for such a time as this.

The Word of the Day: Totis Viribus: an English adverbial phrase of Latin origin meaning, with all one’s might. I think it is safe to say that the PAX sauntered into the gloom with strength and determination to give it there all; to strive totis viribus. For the linguistic soft spot that resides in all, this word is an ablative of manner.

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News

Continuing to look for Prosciutto’s wedding ring. If anyone finds it, please return.

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Recent Backblasts