f39volt – Page 3 – F3 Chattanooga

August 21, 2020

We’re gonna need more duct tape

QIC: 9-Volt

Date: 08/20/2020

PAX: Deep Dish, El Chapo, Mrs Baker, Clothes Pin, Schnitzel, Baby Shart, Blackout, WreckedEm, Thin Mint, Abercrombie,

AO: The Battery

Conditions

When the moon is in the Seventh House
And Jupiter aligns with Mars
Then peace will guide the planets
And love will steer the stars

COP

Mosey to the top of Mount Evil
Everyone grab two bricks
Circle up around the sound—– Commodores “Brick House” playing in the background

EXERCISE	DESCRIPTION	QTY
SSH	With Bricks	10
Cobble Stones	(3rd grade exercise- With Bricks	10
Brick Shitters	Willie Maze Haze – With Bricks	10
Little Baby Brick Circles	Duh
Fwd		10
Rev		10
Brick Claps	Seal Claps – With Bricks	10
SSH	With Bricks	10

The Thang

PAX lines up on West side of parking lot, performs exercise as a group then mosey out and back across lot between exercises

EXERCISE	DESCRIPTION	QTY
Brick Flys	On back , arms on ground, bring bricks together	25
Brick Side Raise	Standing, arms at sides, raise bricks over head	25
Brick Front Raise	Standing, hands @ waste, raise bricks to 90 deg in front	25
Brick Tricep extension	Tricep extension – With bricks	20
Brick Crawl	Bear crawl with brick in each hand (across parking lot)	25 yrd
Brick Hammers	American hammers – With Bricks	20
Masonry Sit Ups	Big boy sit ups – With bricks	20

At this point the PAX was tired of holding bricks so everyone was given two strips of duct tape to secure them to their feet

EXERCISE	DESCRIPTION	QTY
Imperial Brick Walkers	Imperial walkers – With Bricks	20
Brick Cycles	Freddie Mercury – With Bricks	20
Flutter Kicks	Flutter kicks – With Bricks	10
Flutter Kicks (Again)	Flutter kicks – With Bricks and swearing	10
Jane Fonda	Jane Fonda – With Bricks (While staring at neighbor and Listening to “You Sexy Thing” by Hot Chocolate	10
High Knees	High knees – With Bricks	20

COT

Duct Tape really is good for everything

Mole Skin

Wikipedia has very few Brick Mason fun facts
The Battery claims the record for first use of duct tape in a beatdown
Newly mown grass really sticks to duct tape

News

Recent Backblasts

July 15, 2020

Next stop…Uranus

QIC: 9 Volt
Date: 07/15/2020
PAX: Clothespin, MaYhem, Rollback, WuzntMe, Cataract, Gaylord
AO: The Battery

Conditions

No shirt, No shoes, No service
COP

Hallelujah Mosey to the flags (Arms raised mandatory, speaking in tongues optional)
SSH x 20 IC
BAC Fwd x 15 IC
BAC Rev x 15 IC
Seal Clap x 15 IC
SSH x 20 IC
Slow Squat x 15 IC
Dirty Dog x 20 OYO
Willie Maze Haze x 15IC
Hallelujah Mosey to the first light pole

The Thang
PAX performs round of each exercise each of 10 marked flag poles increasing quantity successively then moves to the CMU pile for 2nd part of round.

Round 1. Hand release Merkins 5 + 1
Round 2. Squats 15 +2
Round 3. Big boy sit ups 2 +2

Tonight is the opposition of Jupiter when the Earth is directly between it and the sun. Unfortunately, Jupiter isn’t very funny so after each round the Q will regale the PAX with “Uranus fun facts” in place of a 10 count (Because it makes as much sense as getting out of bed at 4:00am to come work out)

Hallelujah Mosey to the CMU’s
Round 1
Curls (max in 1 minute)
Block Press (max in 1 minute)
Dips (max in 1 minute)
Hallelujah Mosey back to beginning.
Round 2
Rockie Balboas with block
Calf Raise with block
Man Makers
Hallelujah Mosey back to beginning.
Round 3
Hallelujah Mosey to parking lot

COT

Q resolved to keep running list of commitments at home just like at work

Moleskin

Uranus is a very funny planet
This beat down meets the educational content requirements for ages 6-10
NASA should definitely send sloths into space

News

Recent Backblasts

July 3, 2020

Aaaarmy Training Sir!

QIC: 9 Volt

Date: 07\02\2020

PAX: Deep Dish, WuzntMe, Clothespin, El Chapo, Thin Mint, Schnitzel,

AO: The Battery

Conditions

Original body that runs and drives. Has a c6 automatic transmission and a 302 engine. Have clear title on hand. The paint is chipping in small spots. Shoot me a text with pic of what. I’m only wanting rid of it because I don’t have the time to fix it up. Have any questions please text or call

COP
“Good morning ladies! I am Major Payne and I will be you drill instructor for today. There will be no excuses. There will be no disclaimers. There will be no Trip Advisor reviews.”

Mosey around dog park to the sound of the Spotify Drill Sergeant’s Field Recordings playlist

Forward Fold IC x 10
SSH x 20 IC
BAC Fwd x 15 IC
BAC Rev x 15 IC
Seal Clap x 15 IC
SSH x 20 IC
Willie Maze Haze x 10 IC

Mosey to top of Mt Evil, Everyone but Clothespin grab a block and meet by the pile of bricks

At the top of Mt. Evil our AOQ was presented with a token of appreciation. An antique CMU with three webs and extra thick walls.

The Thang
7 Of Diamonds – PAX moves from corner to corner of a diamond, square, polygon etc. beginning with a 7 count and adding 7 at each successive corner.

Still enjoying the drill sergeant’s lovely voice.

Anyone who finishes early runs around the entire diamond to catch up with the 6 and joins them in their exercises.

1. Thrust Kicks
2. Merkins
3. Jump Squats
4. Military press ( with CMU )
5. Arm raise to the front (with brick in each hand)
* Bear crawl with bricks between corners
6. Arm raise to the side

COT

Drill sergeants don’t provide wisdom or encouragement

Moleskin

No expense was spared in digging Clothespin’s CMU out of a pile of garbage.

The Battery now has a pile of bricks to play with (No not legos)

News

Recent Backblasts

May 31, 2020

I love the smell of napalm in the morning

QIC: 9 Volt
Date: 5/30/20
PAX: Mrs Baker, Deep Dish, Clothespin, El Chapo, Cold Play, Thin Mint, Pork Bell, Sandwich, Toe Jelly
AO: The Battery

Conditions:
It smells like victory

COP

Mosey around the dog park
SSH ICx20,
Squats ICx20,
Baby arm circle
fwdx15,
revx15,
sealclapx10,
SSH ICx10,
Forward fold ICx10,
High Knees ICx10,
Willy Maze Haze ICx10

The Thang

The Telephone Game

9 numbered Light poles form a loop
Each PAX takes a pole
Person at pole 1 performs exercise written on sidewalk then moves to next pole
At next pole, person 1 tells person 2 what the exercise is and performs it with them
Person 1 runs around the entire loop and stops at pole 2.
Person 2 moves to pole 3 and tells person 3 what the exercise is and performs it with them before running around the loop
When someone runs the loops and stops at pole 1 they start a new set of exercised written on sidewalk

Pole 1 exercises
1. 15 Smurf Jacks
2. 20 Merkins
3. 20 Crab jacks
4. 30 calf raises
5. 10 Cap’t Thor (In the grass or you’ll get an F3 tramp stamp)
6. 10 Carolina Dry Docks
7. 10 LBC
8. 20 Lunge
9. 25 Wide Merkins
10. 20 SSH
11. 10 Herpees

COT

Words of wisdom – No matter how far off the rails your Q goes it is ok as long as nobody seems to be enjoying it

Thoughts and prayers for Schnitzel’s mom

Moleskin

This workout looked much better on paper after a few beers

Welcome to the Battery Toe Jelly
Welcome back Thin Mint and Sandwich, you have been missed

News

Recent Backblasts

February 21, 2020

Do You Feel Lucky…..Punk

QIC: Deep Dish / 9 Volt
Date: 02\21\2020
PAX: Fastlane, WuzntMe, John Doe, Escobar, Coldplay, Clothespin, Mayhem, Snow Patrol, Toe tag, Chavez,
AO: Hacksaw

Conditions

The will must have been executed with testamentary intent;

The testator must have had testamentary capacity:

The will must have been executed free of fraud, duress, undue influence or mistake; and

The will must have been duly executed through a proper ceremony.

Testamentary intent involves the testator having subjectively intended that the document in question constitute his or her will at the time it was executed. Ordinarily, the opening recital, e.g., I, John Doe, do hereby declare this instrument to be my Last Will and Testament . . .” will suffice.

The Disclaimer

You did this to yourself

COP

(Deep Dish) – A Chicago style warm up

SSH x 20 IC
Forward Fold x 10 IC
Willy maze haze x 10 IC
SSH x 20 IC
Teapot x 10 IC
10 Burpees OYO

The Thang

(9 Volt) – Wheel of misfortune:
Pax spreads out around flag circle with 10 divisions. Each division has a different exercise and quantity written next to it. Each member of the PAX takes a turn being the gambler. The gambler chooses rolls a 6 sided dice. The gambler starts on division nearest to him and will travel the number of divisions equal to their chosen number. The rest of the PAX will travel with him while maintaining spacing between members. When the gambler arrives on the new station the entire PAX joins him in what ever exercise is written there. The method of travel alternates after each gambler in the following order:

Lunge
Bear Crawl
Crab Crawl
Duck Walk
Broad Jump

Roulette Stations

10 x Burpees
20 x LBC
Mosey around outer circle
20 x Merkins
10 x Mountain Climbers
10 x Captain Thor
20 x SSH
5 Ground Hogs
20 x Squats
10 x Monkey Humpers

Mosey to parking lot
Forward fold x 10 IC
Tea pot x 10 IC

COT

No wisdom was dispensed due to low inventory

Moleskin

The PAX held an intervention with John Doe to explain the proper way to accessorize yoga pants.

News

February 1, 2020

What if there is no tomorrow. There wasn’t one today

QIC: 9-Volt

Date: 02/01/2020 (Ground Hog Eve)

PAX: Schnitzel, Cold Play, Pork Belly, El Chapo, Deep Dish, Clothes Pin, Shotput, Mrs Baker, Bubbles, FNG-Retread

AO: The Battery

Conditions

Alternating periods of shadows and full sun

Good morning campers. Rise and shine for the groundhog day edition of F3. I’m 9-Volt and I will be your zoologist for today’s festivities. I am not a professional and do not know your medical conditions or limitations. You are here on your own volition. Push yourself but modify as necessary so as not to injure yourself.

COP

SSH IC x 20
Abe Vigoda IC x 20
SSH IC x 20
Arm Circles
- Fwd IC x 15
- Rev IC x 15
Seal Clap IC x 15
Miltary Press IC x 15
Chinook IC x 10
SSH IC x 20

The Thang

Groundhog Day
* PAX moseys to the tennis court
* The short end of the court is the groundhog tunnel
* The long end of the court is the open prairie
* Each tunnel has a list of exercises
Starting at point 1 the PAX will perform the 1st exercise and then groundhog crawl to the other end of the tunnel
At the end of the tunnel the PAX will perform the exercise again and then 5 “Groundhogs” before flipping a coin to determine if they see their shadow. (Head = Shadow, Tails = No shadow)
1. PAX sees a shadow – crawl back to opposite end of tunnel, perform exercise and groundhogs again before flipping coin
2. PAX does not see shadow – run across the open prairie to the other tunnel and repeat using the exercise list for that tunnel.
* Upon arriving back at point 1 the PAX advances to next exercise on list

COT

Words of Wisdom:

The groundhog (Marmota monax), also known as a woodchuck, is a rodent of the family Sciuridae, belonging to the group of large ground squirrels known as marmots
The groundhog is by far the largest sciurid in its geographical range
The groundhog is also referred to as a chuck, wood-shock, groundpig, whistlepig
Groundhogs are well-adapted for digging, with short, powerful limbs and curved, thick claws.
The groundhog prefers open country and the edges of woodland, and is rarely far from a burrow entrance
Young groundhogs may be called chucklings
Woodchuck numbers appear to have decreased in Illinois
When alarmed, they use a high-pitched whistle to warn the rest of the colony, hence the name “whistle-pig”
Mostly herbivorous, groundhogs eat primarily wild grasses and other vegetation, including berries and agricultural crops, when available.^[
Groundhogs are one of the few species that enter into true hibernation, and often build a separate “winter burrow” for this purpose
Groundhogs are mostly diurnal, and are often active early in the morning or late afternoon.^[
Usually groundhogs breed in their second year, but a small proportion may breed in their first
Groundhogs may be raised in captivity, but their aggressive nature can pose problems
The burrow is used for safety, retreat in bad weather, hibernating, sleeping, love nest, and nursery.

Moleskin

News

Convergence at the Dame next Saturday 1/8

Recent Backblasts

January 12, 2020

Dead Hooker Decathlon

QIC: 9 Volt

Date: 01/11/2020

PAX: Deep Dish, Mrs Baker, Fast Lane, Clothespin, Schnitzel, Biscuit Ring, Shotput, El Chapo, Pork Belly

AO: The Battery

Conditions

Smoking reduces blood flow, which can cause erectile dysfunction
Smoking reduces flow to the limbs, which can require amputation.
Smoking causes type 2 diabetes, which raises blood sugar.
Smoking causes age-related macular degeneration, which can lead to blindness.

COP
Mosey to the greenway… Realize we forgot the dead hookers and mosey back to the open car trunk. PAX each carries a 40lb bag of lime (aka Dead Hooker)

Now, mosey to the greenway with dead hooker over your shoulder.
Respectfully lay dead hooker on sidewalk during COP

SSH x 20 IC
BAC Fwd x 15 IC
BAC Rev x 15 IC
Seal Clap x 15 IC
SSH x 10 IC
Slow Squat x 15 IC
Willie Maze Haze x 15 IC
Crab Jacks x 15 IC
SSH x 10 IC
Grab your dead hooker and mosey to the first light pole

The Thang
PAX performs exercise at each of 10 light poles increasing quantity at each. At the 10th pole PAX moseys to the pavillion for a special treat. Carry dead hooker to each pole.

Decathlon
1. Dead Hooker Squats 10 +2
2. Merkins 5 + 1
3. Capt Thor 1 + 1
4. Burpees 1 + 1
Pavillion – PAX performs 1 minute intervals
Stargazers (max in 1 minute)
Dips (max in 1 minute)
Military Press (max in 1 minute) Use dead hooker or a nice bolder
Step ups (max in 1 minute) With or without dead hooker over your shoulder

Leave dead hooker at pavilion before returning to pole 1

COT

Count-O-Rama 10 PAX in attendance (9 dead hookers and 1 plus size drag queen)

Moleskin

The trunk of a 2011 Camry SE will hold 9 dead hookers

No dead hookers were harmed in the making of this beat down

News

Gloomies Monday 1/13

Recent Backblasts

January 1, 2020

The Wages of Sin Are Burpees

(it’s just merkins after taxes)

QIC: 9-Volt

Date: 12/31/2019

PAX: El Chapo, Mrs. Baker, Clothes Pin, Topless, Wuzntme, Mayhem, Toe Tag, Escobar

AO: The Battery

Conditions

Howlingcow Farms may require you to create an account in order to access some features of the Website. When creating your account, you must provide complete and accurate information as prompted.

You are solely responsible for protecting the security and confidentiality of your account password and identification, and you will be responsible for any activity that occurs on your account.

You must notify Howlingcow Farms immediately of any breach of security or unauthorized use of your account.

Howlingcow Farms will not be liable for any loss that you may incur as a result of someone else using your password or account, either with or without your knowledge. You could be liable for losses incurred by Howlingcow Farms or others due to such unauthorized use.

COP

Mosey around the dog park and finish in the Skate park on side labeled “Fun”
PAX lines up on one end of the skate park & performs the “Fun” exercise. Then PAX immediately runs to opposite side of park and performs the “Games” exercise. Repeat

GAMES	Count	Fun	Count
BAC Fwd	15	SSH	10
BAC Rev	15	SSH	10
Seal Clap	15	SSH	10
Fwd Fold	10	SSH	10
Chinook	15	SSH	10
Plank	10	SSH	10
Military Press	15	SSH	10

The Thang

Without any rest PAX moves on to second list of exercises

GAMES	Count	FUN	Count
Plank Jack	20	Squat	20
Peter Parker	15	Imp Walker	15
Burpee	10	Bonnie Blair	10
Merkin	10	High Knees	10
Mt. Climber	10	Calf Raise	30
Bear Crawl		Lunge
Carolina Dry Dock	10	Sit Ups	15
100’s	10	Box Cutter	10
American Hammer	10	Dive Bomber	10
Freddie Merc	10	Flutter Kick	10

Repeat until end of time (After 1st round each PAX picks a number at random and PAX performs the exercise)

COT

Words of wisdom – “The secret to flying is to throw yourself at the Earth and miss”

Moleskin

Mayhem failed to properly miss the Earth

News

1/01/20 Convergence at Lion’s Den

Recent Backblasts

December 2, 2019

53rd aniversary of the 25th aniversary of Perl Harbor

QIC: 9-Volt

Date: 12/07/2019

PAX: Deep Dish, El Chapo, Mrs Baker, Clothes Pin, Topless, Sandwich, Shotput, Porkbelly

AO: The Battery

Conditions

“You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be provided for you.

COP

Mosey around the dog park and finish in the Skate park on side labeled “Taste Great”
PAX lines up on one end of the skate park & performs the “Tastes Great” exercise. Then PAX immediately runs to opposite side of park and performs the “Less Filling” exercise. Repeat

TASTES GREAT	Count	LESS FILLING	Count
BAC Fwd	15	SSH	10
BAC Rev	15	SSH	10
Seal Clap	15	SSH	10
Fwd Fold	10	SSH	10
Chinook	15	SSH	10
Plank	10	SSH	10
Military Press	15	SSH	10

The Thang

Without any rest PAX moves on to second list of exercises

TASTES GREAT	Count	LESS FILLING	Count
Plank Jack	20	Squat	20
Peter Parker	15	Imp Walker	15
Burpee	10	Bonnie Blair	10
Merkin	10	High Knees	10
Mt. Climber	10	Calf Raise	30
Bear Crawl		Lunge
Carolina Dry Dock	10	Sit Ups	15
100’s	10	Box Cutter	10
American Hammer	10	Dive Bomber	10
Freddie Merc	10	Flutter Kick	10

Repeat until end of time (We got 2 1/2)

COT

Words of wisdom – “Don’t let Deep Dish determine the count on 100’s”

News

12/23 Clown car to “The Asylum” in Knoxville to support Abscess
12/24 Christmas eve workout at the Battery

Recent Backblasts

November 5, 2019

Once you hear the siren, It’s already too late

QIC: 9-Volt

Date: 11/05/2019

PAX: Deep Dish, Mrs. Baker, El Chapo, Topless,Clothespin

AO: The Battery

Conditions

NOT my warm bed

COP

Mosey from flags to base of Mount Evil.

SSH x 20 IC
Abe Vagoda x 20 IC
SSH x 20 IC
Arm Circles
1. Forward x 15 IC
2. Reverse x 15 IC
Seal Clap x 15 IC
Chinook x 15
SSH x 20 IC
Goblet Squats x 20 IC

Mosey up Mount Evil to large frowny face on pavement

The Thang

WHEEL OF MISFORTUNE:
Pax spreads out around 35 ft diameter circle with one at the dealer’s spot and one at the gamblers spot.
The dealer will choose a card from the deck. Each card has an exercise listed. The rep count is as follows;
Face cards = card number + 10
Royals = 25
Ace = 50
Joker – PAX sprints down and back up Mount Evil
The gambler rolls the dice to determine the mode of travel between exercises
1 = Lunge
2=Bear Crawl
3=Crab walk
4=Mosey
5=Bernie
6=Gambler’s Choice
The PAX performs the given exercise then completes one lap around the circle with two new people at the dealer and gambler spots.

Mosey down to flags for Marys
Pickle Pointer with left leg raised x 10 IC
Pickle Pointer with right leg raised x 10 IC
100’s x 20 x IC

COT

No wisdom was to be found

Moleskin

No dead hookers were harmed in the making of this beat down

News

November 16 – Convergence at The RidgeCut
November 23 – The Battery aniversary