9-Volt – F3 Chattanooga

May 18, 2021

He said, She said ( aka. What she said)

QIC: 9-Volt

Date: 05/18/21

PAX: El Chapo, Mrs Baker, Clothes Pin, Cold Play, Thin Mint, Tinkerbell, Abercrombie, FNG “Pipe Line”, Schnitzel, Rug Doctor

AO: The Battery

Conditions

Factitious disorder
Factitious disorder is a serious mental disorder in which someone deceives others by appearing sick, by purposely getting sick or by self-injury. Factitious disorder also can happen when family members or caregivers falsely present others, such as children, as being ill, injured or impaired.

Factitious disorder symptoms can range from mild (slight exaggeration of symptoms) to severe (previously called Munchausen syndrome). The person may make up symptoms or even tamper with medical tests to convince others that treatment, such as high-risk surgery, is needed.

Factitious disorder is not the same as inventing medical problems for practical benefit, such as getting out of work or winning a lawsuit. Although people with factitious disorder know they are causing their symptoms or illnesses, they may not understand the reasons for their behaviors or recognize themselves as having a problem.

Factitious disorder is challenging to identify and hard to treat. However, medical and psychiatric help are critical for preventing serious injury and even death caused by the self-harm typical of this disorder.

Please enjoy this playlist while the person you are calling decides if they want to talk to you

COP

Mosey around the dog park and finish in the Skate park on side labeled “He said”
PAX lines up on one end of the skate park & performs the “He said” exercise. Then PAX immediately runs to opposite side of park and performs the “She said” exercise. Repeat

He Said	Count	She Said	Count
BAC Fwd	15	SSH	10
BAC Rev	15	SSH	10
Seal Clap	15	SSH	10
Fwd Fold	10	SSH	10
Chinook	15	SSH	10
Plank	10	SSH	10
Military Press	15	SSH	10

The Thang

Without any rest PAX moves on to second list of exercises

He siad	Count	She said	Count
Plank Jack	30	Squat	20
Peter Parker	30	Imp Walker	20
Burpee	10	Bonnie Blair	20
Merkin	20	High Knees	20
Mt. Climber	25	Calf Raise	30
Bear Crawl		Lunge
Carolina Dry Dock	20	Sit Ups	25
100’s	25	Box Cutter	25
American Hammer	20	Dive Bomber	15
Freddie Merc	20	Flutter Kick	20

Repeat until end of time

COT

Words of wisdom – “When life gives you dive bombers, make groundhogs” …. Cold Play

Mole Skin

At the insistence of Cold Play, the dive bombers were changed to Groundhogs

Police have issued a nationwide Amber Alert for Deep Dish and are reportedly questioning acquaintances of in hopes of finding and returning the him safely to his PAX

News

5/19/21 Invade Hacksaw
5/21/21 Rhianna appreciation day at Hacksaw

Recent Backblasts

May 13, 2021

Ewe Vs. Ewe – A lesbian sheep workout

QIC: 9 Volt

Date: 05/13/2021

PAX: Clothespin, WuzntMe, Thin Mint, El Chapo, Rug Doctor

AO: The Battery

Note: The QIC inspired the PAX throughout the entire beat down with this playlist

Conditions

Blood pressure: 120/80 mm Hg.

Breathing: 18 breaths per minute.

Pulse: 150 beats per minute.

Temperature: 98.6°F (measured the bad way)

COP

Mosey bottom of Mount Evil
SSH ICx20, Squats ICx20, Baby arm circle fwdx15, revx15, sealclapx15, SSH ICx20, Forward fold ICx10, High Knees ICx20, Willy Maze Haze ICx10

The Thang

Mount Evil Suicides
PAX runs down and back up between exercises
Turn around when leader passes you
Do 2 extra reps for every person you pass

1. 15 Smurf Jacks
2. 20 Hand Release Merkins
3. 20 Crab jacks
4. 30 calf raises
5. 20 Cap’t Thor (In the grass or you’ll get an F3 tramp stamp)
6. 25 Carolina Dry Docks
7. 30 LBC
8. 20 Lunge
9. 25 Wide Merkins
10. 20 SSH
11. 20 Monkey Humpers

Bernie Sanders to the flags

COT

Rihanna rules

Moleskin

News

Recent Backblasts

April 1, 2021

What a fool believes

QIC: 9 Volt

Date: 4/01/2021

PAX: Deep Dish, El Chapo, Abercrombie, RugDoctor, Clothespin, Thin Mint

AO: The Battery

Conditions

“However, this restriction will not apply in the event of the occurrence (certified by the United States Centers for Disease Control or successor body) of a widespread viral infection transmitted via bites or contact with bodily fluids that causes human corpses to reanimate and seek to consume living human flesh, blood, brain or nerve tissue and is likely to result in the fall of organized civilization.”

COP

Mosey to the side walk

SSH x 20 IC
BAC Fwd x 15 IC
BAC Rev x 15 IC
Seal Clap x 15 IC
SSH x 20 IC
Slow Squat x 15 IC
Dirty Dog x 20 OYO
Slow SSH 10 IC
Willie Maze Haze x 15IC
Mosey to the first light pole

The Thang
PAX performs round of each exercise at all 10 light poles increasing quantity successively then moves to pavilion for 2nd part of round.

Round 1. Merkins 5 + 1
Round 2. Squats 10 +2
Round 3. Monkey Humpers 20-1

Mosey to the pavilion
Round 1
Rock Curls (max in 1 minute)
Stargazers (max in 1 minute)
Dips (max in 1 minute)
Mosey back to beginning.
Round 2
Step ups (With or without rock)
Calf Raise
Box Jumps
Mosey back to beginning.

COT

“If you make a woman laugh, you’ve half-undressed her.”

However, if you half-undress and she laughs, that’s a different thing altogether.

Moleskin

MayHem should get a new insurance agent before he cuts down any more trees

My wife called me a fool after she saw my new pimped out block (Thanks to El Chapo and his 1975 pop up camper for the fabric )

News

Recent Backblasts

February 2, 2021

The way of the Groundhog

QIC: 9-Volt

Date: 02/01/2021

PAX: Clothes Pin, Mrs Baker; Thin Mint

AO: The Battery

Conditions

Shadowey

Good morning campers. Rise and shine for the groundhog day edition of F3. I’m 9-Volt and I will be your zoologist for today’s festivities. I am not a professional and do not know your medical conditions or limitations. You are here on your own volition. Push yourself but modify as necessary so as not to injure yourself.

The Q prepared a special ground hog’s day playlist starting with Sonny and Cher’s “I got you babe” followed by Polka music by Weird Al Yankovic (Check him out on Spotify)

COP

SSH IC x 20
Abe Vigoda IC x 20
SSH IC x 20
Arm Circles
- Fwd IC x 15
- Rev IC x 15
Seal Clap IC x 15
Miltary Press IC x 15
Chinook IC x 10
SSH IC x 20

The Thang

Groundhog Day
* PAX moseys to the tennis court
* The short end of the court is the groundhog tunnel
* The long end of the court is the open prairie
* Each tunnel has a list of exercises
Starting at point 1 the PAX will perform the 1st exercise and then groundhog crawl to the other end of the tunnel (point2)
At the end of the tunnel the PAX will perform 3 “Groundhogs” before answering a groundhog fun fact quiz.
A. PAX answers incorrectly – crawl back to opposite end of tunnel, perform exercise and groundhogs again before answering again
B. PAX answers correctly – run across the open prairie to the other tunnel and repeat using the exercise list for that tunnel.
* Upon arriving back at point 1 the PAX advances to next exercise on list

Tunnel 1-2
15 x Squats
20 x Lunges (10 each leg)
10 x Smurf Jacks

Tunnel 3-4
10 x Sit ups
10 x Unlawful monkey carnal knowedge
20 x 100’s

COT

Words of Wisdom:

Q1 Give 3 alternate names for groundhogs
Woodchuck, Chucklings, Whistlepig, Mouse bear,Wood shick, groundpig, thickwood badger, moonack, weenusk, red monk and among French Canadians sifleux

Q2 Groundhogs are one of 14 species of _______________
Marmot

Q3 What is the average weight of an adult groundhog?
13lb

Q4 What continents are groundhogs found on?
North America

Q5 What is the temperature of a hibernating groundhog?
37.2 degrees

Q6 T/F Groundhogs are listed as a threatened species
F

Q7 Groundhogs are;
a. Herbivores
b. Carnivores
c. Vegans

Q8 What are young groundhogs called?
Chucklings

Q9 What is your favorite color?

Q10 What is the lifespan of a groundhog?
3-6 years

Q11 What do groundhogs eat during hibernation?
Nothing

Q12 According to the Integrated Taxonomic Information System, what is the tribe of the groundhog? Marmotini

Q13 According to Cornell University, How much wood could a wood chuck chuck?
700lbs

Q14 What is the name of a group of groundhogs?
Colony

Q15 T/F Groundhogs can climb trees?
T

Q16 T/F Groundhogs can swim?
T

Q17 T/F Groundhogs do not drink water?
T, they get their liquids from plants

Q18 T/F Groundhogs are nocturnal?
F

Q19 Who was the director of Groundhog Day?
Harold Ramis

Q20 What was the name of the character played by Stephen Tobolowski?
Ned Ryerson

Q21 What song is playing on the radio when the alarm clock goes off?
I got you babe

Q22 What year was Groundhog Day released?
1993

Q23 Where was Groundhog Day filmed?
Woodstock IL

Q24 How many inches do groundhog’s teeth grow per week?
1/16”

Moleskin

If this doesn’t make you feel better about yourself, nothing will

I think Sonny is wearing a ground hog vest

The average score on the ground hog quiz was a 37%
There will be no curve

News

Recent Backblasts

October 5, 2020

But this one goes to 11

QIC: 9-Volt

Date: 10/05/2020

PAX: Bonsi, Woodrider, Cold Play, Tatonka, Band Wagon, Oui Oui, Fiddy Cent, Slim Shady, Toe Tag, Picabo, Shawshank, Bernie, Abbercrombie, Madoff

AO: Hackswaw

Conditions

Sweet, grainy cereal notes with a strong caramel flavor, join hints of chocolate. Light and easy to drink.
COP
Everyone grab two bricks and Mosey to the big flag.
Circle up around the sound—– Commodores “Brick House” playing in the background

EXERCISE	DESCRIPTION	QTY
SSH	With Bricks	10
Cobble Stones	(3rd grade exercise- With Bricks	10
Brick Shitters	Willie Maze Haze – With Bricks	10
Little Baby Brick Circles	Duh
Fwd		10
Rev		10
Brick Claps	Seal Claps – With Bricks	10
SSH	With Bricks	10

The Thang

PAX lines up around flag circle, performs exercise as a group then Brick crawls 1/4 of the way around the circle between exercises.

EXERCISE	DESCRIPTION	QTY
Brick Flys	On back , arms on ground, bring bricks together	25
Brick Side Raise	Standing, arms at sides, raise bricks over head	25
Brick Front Raise	Standing, hands @ waste, raise bricks to 90 deg in front	25
Brick Tricep extension	Tricep extension – With bricks	20
Curl-Press	Curl then military press	25
Brick Hammers	American hammers – With Bricks	20
Masonry Sit Ups	Big boy sit ups – With bricks	20

At this point the PAX was tired of holding bricks so everyone was given two strips of duct tape to secure them to their feet

EXERCISE	DESCRIPTION	QTY
Imperial Brick Walkers	Imperial walkers – With Bricks	20
Brick Cycles	Freddie Mercury – With Bricks	20
Flutter Kicks	Flutter kicks – With Bricks	20
Jane Fonda	Jane Fonda – With Bricks (While staring at neighbor and Listening to “You Sexy Thing” by Hot Chocolate	10
High Knees	High knees – With Bricks	10

With an extra 13 minutes the Q switched to dealer’s choice
** Hell if I remember what we did, but we did it …WITH BRICKS

COT

The Q relayed a disturbing story about swallowing a Barbie doll head the night before a colonoscopy

Mole Skin

The bricks were sanitized for your protection
Standard grey 3M duct tape doesn’t hold up well to shear stress

News

Bring kids to the workout at Hacksaw on Friday. Yes, they must be your own.

Recent Backblasts

September 11, 2020

Remember, Honor, Rebuild

QIC: DNF

Date: 9/11/20

PAX: Tatonka, Coldplay, Cavity Search, Crawdaddy, Abercrombie, Rollback, John Doe, FNG – Bonsai

AO: Parliament

Conditions

Low 70’s. Humid

COP

SSH x9 IC

SSH x 11 IC

WMH x9 IC

Forward Fold x11 IC

SSH x9 IC

SSH x11 IC

Overhead Press x11 IC

High Knees (until recover)

The Thang

We remembered the civilian casualties, and did reps to honor those who lost their lives trying to help them

343m run – for the FDNY

37 pace bear crawl – for the PAPD

23 merkins – for the NYPD

8 burpees – for the emergency medical technicians

1 man maker (blockee) – for the sole patrolman

*3 rounds of the above were completed, with leading PAX picking up the six and assisting with additional reps

Next, we recognized the 110 flights of stairs that were climbed by the firefighters (FDNY)

There are bleachers on both sides of the 400m track, and they were incorporated in a lap as follows:

30 LBC’s at the base of the first set of bleachers, PAX ran up the stairs to the top of the bleachers, across the top, and back down the other side, ending with 25 merkins. Continue on the track to the other side of the football field, and repeat 30 LBC’s and 25 merkins on the starting and finishing ends of the bleacher run. Finish the lap. 30+25+30+25=110

COT

QIC shared with PAX his memory of discovering that we were under attack on 9/11/01. Where I was, and who I was with. We all have a story, and will never forget the feeling in our guts at that moment. Today brings that feeling back like it was yesterday. An act of hate did an immense amount of damage 19 years ago. With the devastation and mourning of the lives lost, also came concern about the future of our country, our safety, and our economy. With time, determination, fellow man coming together, and Lord Jesus, we were able to rebuild our economy and take down the leader responsible for the attack. Life is unpredictable and we can only do our best at dealing with tragedy… and we learn how along the way. Today, our country deals with a new challenge with the Covid pandemic as well as internal hatred occurring in our own country amongst each other. Although we will never forget… this too can be recovered from. Our God is at work, and we must do our part to eliminate hate and come together as a nation in order to make ANY progress. It was an honor to lead today, in honoring and remembering those lives lost on 9/11/01. Continuous prayers for their family members who mourn those lives of their loved ones.

Moleskin

Merlot was splashed by our FNG – Bonsai. I continued Q’ing the beatdown as fellow PAX made sure he was ok. Once empty… Bonsai continued, and finished the remaining 15 minutes. Brining in his six, I explained our lovely term of splashing merlot, as well as our ideal of picking up the six. Encouraged him that we all get better here and we do it together. He will be back

After we prayed, some PAX shared stories of where they were when they found out about the horror on this day in 2001. Crawdaddy had something really cool to share, y’all should ask him about it sometime

The Twin Towers were rebuilt with coupons, and stood behind us for a glorious team photo in the gloom post beatdown

News

Recent Backblasts

August 21, 2020

We’re gonna need more duct tape

QIC: 9-Volt

Date: 08/20/2020

PAX: Deep Dish, El Chapo, Mrs Baker, Clothes Pin, Schnitzel, Baby Shart, Blackout, WreckedEm, Thin Mint, Abercrombie,

AO: The Battery

Conditions

When the moon is in the Seventh House
And Jupiter aligns with Mars
Then peace will guide the planets
And love will steer the stars

COP

Mosey to the top of Mount Evil
Everyone grab two bricks
Circle up around the sound—– Commodores “Brick House” playing in the background

EXERCISE	DESCRIPTION	QTY
SSH	With Bricks	10
Cobble Stones	(3rd grade exercise- With Bricks	10
Brick Shitters	Willie Maze Haze – With Bricks	10
Little Baby Brick Circles	Duh
Fwd		10
Rev		10
Brick Claps	Seal Claps – With Bricks	10
SSH	With Bricks	10

The Thang

PAX lines up on West side of parking lot, performs exercise as a group then mosey out and back across lot between exercises

EXERCISE	DESCRIPTION	QTY
Brick Flys	On back , arms on ground, bring bricks together	25
Brick Side Raise	Standing, arms at sides, raise bricks over head	25
Brick Front Raise	Standing, hands @ waste, raise bricks to 90 deg in front	25
Brick Tricep extension	Tricep extension – With bricks	20
Brick Crawl	Bear crawl with brick in each hand (across parking lot)	25 yrd
Brick Hammers	American hammers – With Bricks	20
Masonry Sit Ups	Big boy sit ups – With bricks	20

At this point the PAX was tired of holding bricks so everyone was given two strips of duct tape to secure them to their feet

EXERCISE	DESCRIPTION	QTY
Imperial Brick Walkers	Imperial walkers – With Bricks	20
Brick Cycles	Freddie Mercury – With Bricks	20
Flutter Kicks	Flutter kicks – With Bricks	10
Flutter Kicks (Again)	Flutter kicks – With Bricks and swearing	10
Jane Fonda	Jane Fonda – With Bricks (While staring at neighbor and Listening to “You Sexy Thing” by Hot Chocolate	10
High Knees	High knees – With Bricks	20

COT

Duct Tape really is good for everything

Mole Skin

Wikipedia has very few Brick Mason fun facts
The Battery claims the record for first use of duct tape in a beatdown
Newly mown grass really sticks to duct tape

News

Recent Backblasts

July 15, 2020

Next stop…Uranus

QIC: 9 Volt
Date: 07/15/2020
PAX: Clothespin, MaYhem, Rollback, WuzntMe, Cataract, Gaylord
AO: The Battery

Conditions

No shirt, No shoes, No service
COP

Hallelujah Mosey to the flags (Arms raised mandatory, speaking in tongues optional)
SSH x 20 IC
BAC Fwd x 15 IC
BAC Rev x 15 IC
Seal Clap x 15 IC
SSH x 20 IC
Slow Squat x 15 IC
Dirty Dog x 20 OYO
Willie Maze Haze x 15IC
Hallelujah Mosey to the first light pole

The Thang
PAX performs round of each exercise each of 10 marked flag poles increasing quantity successively then moves to the CMU pile for 2nd part of round.

Round 1. Hand release Merkins 5 + 1
Round 2. Squats 15 +2
Round 3. Big boy sit ups 2 +2

Tonight is the opposition of Jupiter when the Earth is directly between it and the sun. Unfortunately, Jupiter isn’t very funny so after each round the Q will regale the PAX with “Uranus fun facts” in place of a 10 count (Because it makes as much sense as getting out of bed at 4:00am to come work out)

Hallelujah Mosey to the CMU’s
Round 1
Curls (max in 1 minute)
Block Press (max in 1 minute)
Dips (max in 1 minute)
Hallelujah Mosey back to beginning.
Round 2
Rockie Balboas with block
Calf Raise with block
Man Makers
Hallelujah Mosey back to beginning.
Round 3
Hallelujah Mosey to parking lot

COT

Q resolved to keep running list of commitments at home just like at work

Moleskin

Uranus is a very funny planet
This beat down meets the educational content requirements for ages 6-10
NASA should definitely send sloths into space

News

Recent Backblasts

July 3, 2020

Aaaarmy Training Sir!

QIC: 9 Volt

Date: 07\02\2020

PAX: Deep Dish, WuzntMe, Clothespin, El Chapo, Thin Mint, Schnitzel,

AO: The Battery

Conditions

Original body that runs and drives. Has a c6 automatic transmission and a 302 engine. Have clear title on hand. The paint is chipping in small spots. Shoot me a text with pic of what. I’m only wanting rid of it because I don’t have the time to fix it up. Have any questions please text or call

COP
“Good morning ladies! I am Major Payne and I will be you drill instructor for today. There will be no excuses. There will be no disclaimers. There will be no Trip Advisor reviews.”

Mosey around dog park to the sound of the Spotify Drill Sergeant’s Field Recordings playlist

Forward Fold IC x 10
SSH x 20 IC
BAC Fwd x 15 IC
BAC Rev x 15 IC
Seal Clap x 15 IC
SSH x 20 IC
Willie Maze Haze x 10 IC

Mosey to top of Mt Evil, Everyone but Clothespin grab a block and meet by the pile of bricks

At the top of Mt. Evil our AOQ was presented with a token of appreciation. An antique CMU with three webs and extra thick walls.

The Thang
7 Of Diamonds – PAX moves from corner to corner of a diamond, square, polygon etc. beginning with a 7 count and adding 7 at each successive corner.

Still enjoying the drill sergeant’s lovely voice.

Anyone who finishes early runs around the entire diamond to catch up with the 6 and joins them in their exercises.

1. Thrust Kicks
2. Merkins
3. Jump Squats
4. Military press ( with CMU )
5. Arm raise to the front (with brick in each hand)
* Bear crawl with bricks between corners
6. Arm raise to the side

COT

Drill sergeants don’t provide wisdom or encouragement

Moleskin

No expense was spared in digging Clothespin’s CMU out of a pile of garbage.

The Battery now has a pile of bricks to play with (No not legos)

News

Recent Backblasts

May 31, 2020

I love the smell of napalm in the morning

QIC: 9 Volt
Date: 5/30/20
PAX: Mrs Baker, Deep Dish, Clothespin, El Chapo, Cold Play, Thin Mint, Pork Bell, Sandwich, Toe Jelly
AO: The Battery

Conditions:
It smells like victory

COP

Mosey around the dog park
SSH ICx20,
Squats ICx20,
Baby arm circle
fwdx15,
revx15,
sealclapx10,
SSH ICx10,
Forward fold ICx10,
High Knees ICx10,
Willy Maze Haze ICx10

The Thang

The Telephone Game

9 numbered Light poles form a loop
Each PAX takes a pole
Person at pole 1 performs exercise written on sidewalk then moves to next pole
At next pole, person 1 tells person 2 what the exercise is and performs it with them
Person 1 runs around the entire loop and stops at pole 2.
Person 2 moves to pole 3 and tells person 3 what the exercise is and performs it with them before running around the loop
When someone runs the loops and stops at pole 1 they start a new set of exercised written on sidewalk

Pole 1 exercises
1. 15 Smurf Jacks
2. 20 Merkins
3. 20 Crab jacks
4. 30 calf raises
5. 10 Cap’t Thor (In the grass or you’ll get an F3 tramp stamp)
6. 10 Carolina Dry Docks
7. 10 LBC
8. 20 Lunge
9. 25 Wide Merkins
10. 20 SSH
11. 10 Herpees

COT

Words of wisdom – No matter how far off the rails your Q goes it is ok as long as nobody seems to be enjoying it

Thoughts and prayers for Schnitzel’s mom

Moleskin

This workout looked much better on paper after a few beers

Welcome to the Battery Toe Jelly
Welcome back Thin Mint and Sandwich, you have been missed

Conditions

COP

The Thang

COT

Mole Skin

News

Recent Backblasts

Note: The QIC inspired the PAX throughout the entire beat down with this playlist

Conditions

COP

The Thang

COT

Moleskin

News

Recent Backblasts

Conditions

COT

Moleskin

News

Recent Backblasts

Conditions

COP

The Thang

COT

Moleskin

News

Recent Backblasts

Conditions

The Thang

With an extra 13 minutes the Q switched to dealer’s choice** Hell if I remember what we did, but we did it …WITH BRICKS

COT

Mole Skin

News

Recent Backblasts

Conditions

COP

The Thang

COT

Moleskin

News

Recent Backblasts

Conditions

COP

The Thang

COT

Mole Skin

News

Recent Backblasts

Conditions

COT

Moleskin

News

Recent Backblasts

Conditions

COT

Moleskin

News

Recent Backblasts

COP

The Thang

COT

Moleskin

News

Recent Backblasts

With an extra 13 minutes the Q switched to dealer’s choice
** Hell if I remember what we did, but we did it …WITH BRICKS